


Requiem for the boy.

by CALLEN37



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2017-12-14 16:41:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 41,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/839073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CALLEN37/pseuds/CALLEN37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deeks is back at work, Jen is settled and Brandel is dead. Family life should get easier now shouldn't it? Or will a case cross with some more of Deeks' family who would be happy if he never existed. <br/>A sequel to A tear for the girl, would help if you read that first. WIP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been three months.

Three months of physical therapy; three months of sessions with Nate and an independent psychologist, talking to Vance, Hetty and Callen…which was strange but nice, Three months of spending time with his sister and Kensi and Deeks… Jeff Deeks had quit his job.

Jeff had spent time with Marty and let him know in no uncertain terms that he would be there for him.

At first Marty had found it strange but slowly he had allowed people back into his life, the whole time Marty had been in hospital Jeff had sat with him during visiting hours, stayed at his house and looked after Jen and Monty made sure they had all they needed and even took care of the hospital bills; Although there had been a small argument when Deeks found that out.

"What do you mean you took care of it…Jeff I don't need you to pay my bills!" Deeks moaned as he sat and watched the nurse take his blood pressure.

"Son, you haven't worked for three months and your Medicare has run out. I didn't want you to worry so I paid it." He said in his and that's that voice.

Deeks slumped a bit, "Thanks."

Jeff bent down and started packing up the stuff Deeks had accumulated during his hospital stay, "What're you doing?" Deeks asked.

Jeff looked up at him, "Didn't they tell you…you're coming home today." He grinned.

Marty sat back at that, "No they didn't…does Jen know, I mean, are you sure it's ok?" he asked.

'Calm down, trust Jeff' Max said inside his head.

* * *

That was Deeks' problem, he was in control of himself, Max was back where he belonged but since the incident with Brandel he had heard his voice occasionally. Nate had talked to him about it and had assured him as long as he was sure the only voice he was hearing was Max he would probably be fine, he was to look on it like everyone else does when they hear that small voice in the back of their mind telling them something was a bad idea or to try something, as long as that voice didn't hurt him or anyone around him, it was ok. The only difference in Deeks' case was that his voice had a name.

Deeks put his shoes on and waited as his foster father came in with the last of the forms to spring him from the hospital.

"So…" Jeff said as they drove to Deeks' house, "You looking forward to going back to work?" He asked,

Deeks shrugged, "I miss it…Don't know if they miss me much though," he said sadly. Callen had been by to visit him and Kensi had been when she had come with Jen and Hetty had been twice, although they had been to reinstate him for everything except for his requalifying with his weapon but Sam hadn't been in at all neither had Eric or Nell, but that was to be expected as they all had work to do.

He knew that Sam knew his secret and he himself had made no secret of the fact that he hadn't trusted Deeks before the incident with Brandel and as far as Deeks knew he hadn't wanted to talk to him since.

Despite all that though he had to admit he was looking forward to going back to work, Bates begrudgingly had accepted him back at LAPD on condition that he spent most, if not all, of his time at NCIS, with the proviso that Hetty had 'her people' sign him as fit for work. He didn't want to waste any more money on him than he had to. Deeks had grinned and signed Bates' contract and smiled as the disgruntled cop had walked out of his hospital room moaning about the tricky ninja that Deeks now worked for.

* * *

They pulled up at the small one story house and Deeks climbed out of Jeff's SUV and leaned against the car. The house looked different and Deeks couldn't place what had changed.

Flowers, there were flowers in beds in the garden and the house had been given a new coat of paint…and that loose piece of guttering that Deeks kept meaning to fix was fixed.

Deeks looked it all over with a critical eye…."You?" he said looking at Jeff.

Jeff laughed, "Hardly, since when have I been any good at DIY or gardening for that matter."

Deeks let out a small smile, he had to admit Jeff was to DIY and gardening that Kensi was to plants…the kiss of death.

Jeff got Deeks' bag out and the pair of them got as far as halfway up the pathway when a blur came running at them, within moment's Deeks was flat on his bag having his face licked off by an over exuberant Monty who had missed his master.

"Ew that's gross!" Kensi said smiling in the doorway. "Welcome homes Deeks," She said smiling at her partner.

Deeks sat up and gently moved the dog off him, "I missed you too," He said to both his partner and his dog.

Jeff went to help him up, but Deeks shrugged off the hand and got to his feet.

Entering the house he was collided with five and a half feet of little sister, "Jell-O! You're home!" she yelled launching herself at him.

"You only saw me yesterday?" Deeks smiled.

He heard a movement behind them and automatically reached for his gun, which he wasn't carrying, "It's ok." Kensi whispered in his ear as they went into the house.

* * *

Sam, Callen, Hetty, Nell and Eric sat on various pieces of furniture in the small living room, "Welcome back!" they all said smiling.

Kensi felt him tense and put her other arm on him.

"Why are you all here?" He asked surprised.

"Jen called and said you were getting out of the hospital today, we wanted to say hi." Callen said.

"Sure." Deeks said he grabbed his bag and walked past the surprised visitors and went to his room.

Since the run in with his father and the re emergence of Max, Nate had noted that Deeks' temper and his mouth were a bit less sure of worrying about other people's feelings and like Max, Marty was now quick to anger, although unlike Max, Marty was still kinder and nicer.

Kensi walked into Deeks' room to find him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"I screwed up again didn't I?" He said

Kensi smiled at him, "No, not at all, you just put your bag away, now are you coming out to see your guests?"

Deeks grinned, his face still looked the same apart from a small red lined scar, the other scars the visible ones where under his shirt and they like the mental ones were still healing slowly.

He followed her back into the room as the others sat waiting for him, "Got your bag all squared away then?" said Sam, Deeks nodded grateful for the out but confused that Sam was the one saying it.

"So who do I have to thank for all the home improvements?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

Sam raised his hand, "I hate hospitals, especially since G's shooting so I figured I could be more useful here." He said and with that whatever it was that Deeks was holding onto went away and he let out a huge grin.

"So, if this is a party, Beer and Pizza…and coke?" He suggested met with yay's and a groan from Jen.

* * *

Early the next morning no one to the worse for wear the team arrived at the mission.

Eric and Nell were already in OPS and Callen and Deeks were sat at Callen's desk eyeing Deeks' desk with a frown.

"Are you sure?" Deeks asked Callen.

"Every day since you've been away she been in your desk, I have no Idea what she was doing in there man." Callen said, "But I don't like it." He admitted.

They both leant against Callen's desk and took simultaneous sips from their coffee mugs prompting Sam and Kensi to fall about laughing as they watched them.

"What's the problem, guys?" Kensi asked.

"Hetty's been in my desk every day I've been away….what if she's been feeding an animal in there?" Deeks said looking worried.

Kensi laughed, "Have you even tried opening the drawer?" she asked.

"Nooooo?" Callen and Deeks said together.

"Deeks…Come here." Kensi ordered.

"But Kenz?!" he protested.

"Deeks!" she snapped and pulled him by the arm.

She took him over to the drawer with Sam following close behind and Callen a little further back and opened it.

Deeks flinched then looked inside, his badge was there but unlike when he had mailed it to Bates it was highly polished and in a brand new case.

He carefully reached down and touched it gently.

"Welcome back Mr. Deeks." Hetty said.

 


	2. Chapter 2

A while later Eric whistled from the balcony and the team filed into OPS.

"We've had a body turn up," Nell said as the team came in. "IS1 Johansen was found today on Huntingdon beach by LAPD, his throat was cut and he was tied up." Nell showed them pictures of the man's body. "He is an Intelligence specialist on the USS Yorktown, his job was preparing graphics, overlays and photo/map composites; plotting imagery data using maps and charts; providing input to and receive data from computerized intelligence systems ashore and afloat. His captain doesn't think that he was working on anything top secret but he had some data he had been working on for a while and SECNAV wants to make sure he wasn't compromised.

The others looked at what information that Nell had managed to gather and Callen took over, "OK Kensi, Deeks, you guys go and see his family, see if they know of any other reason as to why he would have been targeted. Sam and I will head to the ship and talk to the Captain and see what he can tell us about his current projects."

Kensi and Deeks nodded, "Details have been sent to your Smartphone's." Nell said as they trooped out of the building.

An hour later Callen and Sam arrived in San Diego, at the berth of the USS Yorktown. They waited as the Captain came out to meet them and walked along the dock, "I hope you don't mind, but I do like to come ashore when I can and I prefer if my men don't hear about his, IS1 Johansen was well liked," he said.

"Tell us about him?" Sam asked.

"He was an excellent intelligence specialist, he was good at his job, and he had a sad but good family. From what I heard things had looked up, he got married in the fall and his wife is expecting a baby." Captain Reynolds said.

"Sad, but good family?" Callen asked.

"Lost his sister at a young age, drunk driver I think…he was only small when it happened. His parents are well off, so he wasn't stealing secrets if that's what you're thinking, one of our machinist mates' child got leukemia a while back, Johansen told his parents and they paid for her chemo."

Sam was impressed, "Sound like nice people." He stated.

Captain Reynolds smiled, "Oh yes, and his wife, a well bred young lady, I meet with the family a lot. With all the tragedy in their lives, losing their daughter to a manic like that, she died in a car accident probably a drunk driver, She had some problems so his parents were pleased that Christian turned out into the nice young man he was…I should call them, it will be so hard on them." He said concerned.

"If you could give us their details, we will go and see them," Sam offered.

The captain nodded, "Yes, yes of course." He signaled his aide who had been walking a few steps behind them to go a fetch the details he needed.

* * *

Kensi and Deeks pulled up outside the large house "You're sure this is the right address?" Kensi asked.

Deeks looked at his Smartphone, "IS1 Christian Johansen and his wife live here. She's six months pregnant."

Kensi nodded and they walked up to the house.

An older man answered the door. "Can I help you?" he asked.

The duo pulled out there badges, "Detective Deeks LAPD and Special Agent Blye, NCIS, we are looking for Mrs. Sarah Johansen?" Deeks said.

Carl Johansen looked at them, the man looked familiar but he couldn't place it, "Come in please, my wife and I were keeping Sarah company, we got the news about our son this morning." He told them.

"We're sorry for your loss." Deeks said sincerely. "Can you tell us about your son?" he asked.

Carl led them into the large living room where Sarah Johansen was drinking a cup of Tea and sitting next to her mother in law.

"Sarah, Frieda this is Detective Deeks of the LAPD and Special Agent Blye of NCIS they want to ask some questions about Christian," Carl told them and sat down motioning them to take a seat also.

Kensi smiled as she and Deeks sat down,

"Mrs. Johansen, what can you tell me about your husband, did he have any enemies?" Kensi asked.

Sarah dried her eyes and shook her head, "No no one hated my husband, he had lots of friends but no enemy's" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry," Kensi said, "But did he have any gambling debts or anything in his past that you would have had cause to worry about?"

Again Sarah shook her head.

They waited as she took a sip of tea, "Do you know what you're having?" Kensi asked.

"A little girl, we were going to name her Allison, after Chris's late sister, now I'm thinking Christina." Sarah admitted.

"Both names are lovely." Deeks said. His heart clenched at the fact that in this family there may have been an Allison Johansen, However he shook it off and looked around the room noting the furniture and ornaments.

"This house is a bit elaborate for a intelligence specialist first class' pay grade isn't it?" Deeks asked.

"We have money and we help provide for my son as we will for our grandchild. Family is everything to us." Carl informed them.

"Thank you," Kensi said handing Sarah her card, "If you think of anything that might help or anyone tries to contact you can you give us a call?" she asked.

Sarah took the card and nodded. "I still can't think why anyone would have wanted to harm him; he was such a nice person." She said looking over at a group of pictures on the shelf.

They turned to go and Deeks stopped and picked up a photo.

"Oh!" Sarah said sadly, "That was Chris' big sister, Allison, she died in a car accident." She said.

Deeks' hand was shaking as he put the photo down, "Do you perhaps have a copy we could have for our records?" he asked his voice shaky.

"Sure" Sarah replied and went to get a copy.

* * *

"Our daughter has been dead a long time detective, she was run over by a drunk driver, I'm afraid she got in with a bad crowd, she got into drugs and alcohol, we tried but with teenagers there is nothing you can do, we used her story to keep our son on the straight and narrow, I'm afraid, our Allison was a disappointment she was a crack head and a whore." Frieda Johansen said.

"Don't you talk about her like that!" Deeks snarled trying to keep his anger at bay.

"Detective I don't believe that it is any of your business." Carl said, "I am sorry my wife upset you but what we just told you about our daughter is true, she was shot while standing on a street corner selling her body for drugs."

Deeks looked at them distraught as he shook, "She was a wonderful girl, you turned your back on her all she was doing was getting her son away from danger and trying to get back to the parents she adored."

"You have no right to judge us like that, you may have read our file, but you have no right to judge our family." Frieda stated squaring up to the younger man who was shaking in anger in front of her, "Now leave now, before we file a complaint with your superior."

"Deeks?" Kensi said and put her arm on him to pull him away. "I'm sorry ma'am." Kensi told the older woman.

"Here detective, here's that picture you wanted," Sarah said coming back into the room.

Deeks took it gently and ran a finger over the picture of her face, "Thank you." He said softly.

"Excuse me Detective, but are you alright?" Sarah asked looking at him.

"Erm, yeah thanks." Deeks said and rushed out.

"We will be in touch with your superiors." Carl said to Kensi as she left apologizing.

Kensi slammed the car door and turned to look at him, the shout she had ready was lodged in her throat as he sat there crying.

"Deeks?" she asked.

"They lied about her, it wasn't true Kensi none of it, she wasn't like that…she was perfect." He said his voice and mind far away.

"Did you know about the case, was it one of yours?" She asked.

"Kinda." Deeks said showing Kensi the picture of the twelve year old girl for the first time.

Kensi looked at the child her laughing blue eyes and long blonde hair frozen in time.

"She's my mother." He told her sadly.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Deeks stared at the picture, it was the original copy of the one he had seen countless times as a child, his mother had had it in her room, he hadn't understood the writing that had been on the photocopies of the picture but there had been numbers underneath it. He had always loved that picture, his mother had told him that she had been on a picnic with her mother and father and had been singing the sound of music, off key and loudly as her mother laughed and her father took that picture. She'd had her arms spread and was twirling doing her impression of Maria from the movie. She told him how that was her picnic with her parents and how she had met his father two days later.

Kensi looked at the conflicting emotions running over his face and gently placed her hand on his. He turned and held her hand tight.

"Do they know…? Do they know she's your mother…that you're their grandson?" She asked.

"No." Deeks said sharply "And they don't need to."

Kensi looked at him, "You have to talk to Hetty, you can't be on this case." She said softly not wanting to hurt him.

"I need to do this…I need to for her, she would have wanted me to." He said with absolute conviction, "They don't need to know who I am, I'll copy the picture and send it back."

"I'd want to know." Kensi said with conviction, "If my child died and I had a grandchild I would want to know."

"Don't." Deeks said cutting her off and reaching over and turning the key in the ignition.

Kensi took it as the cue it was for her to head back to the mission, neither of them saw Carl Johansen looking at them out of the window his eyes smarting.

* * *

Callen and Sam headed back to the mission to see if there was any news on the visit to the family and arrived at the same time as Kensi and Deeks.

"Give me a minute." Deeks asked and headed off to the bathroom as the rest of them headed to ops.

"He ok?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." Kensi said and walked off in front of him.

Deeks stood in the bathroom and looked at his reflection. He splashed cold water on his face and looked in the mirror, Max looked back for a second and then he was gone. Feeling bolstered by seeing his alter ego for a second Deeks straightened up. He knew he could keep Max at bay and he could handle this himself.

Hetty and Vance had gone out on a limb keeping the knowledge of Max's existence known only to a few people. Deeks was a good investigator and Hetty had insisted that this was just a blip on his radar and not a permanent thing. Vance had agreed as soon as Deeks had passed all his psych evals and as Bates had kept him on as LAPD he felt tied and had allowed Deeks to continue to work as OSP Liaison to LAPD.

Centering himself he walked upstairs to OPS where Eric had already started briefing everyone on what they had so far.

* * *

Kensi turned and gave him a smile as he walked in which he returned and leant against the table leaning slightly into her.

"So we have some additional information." Eric said. Callen nodded and turned to the group.

"Sam and I talked to Captain Reynolds aboard the USS Yorktown, IS1 Johansen was well liked amongst the crew, he and his family are well known. His parents helped a shipmates daughter who had leukemia and we couldn't find anyone who thought his work could be the cause of his death….Kensi, Deeks did you get anything from the wife?" Callen asked.

Kensi started to speak but Deeks cut her off, "Sarah Johansen was upset at her husband's death, her in-laws were there though and didn't allow us to talk to her alone." He said flatly.

"We have some information on the in-laws." Nell said and Deeks tensed.

"Carl Johansen is a CEO of JGB industries one of the top ten companies that has defense contracts with the US Navy. Johansen, Grant and Bailey industries make a major component of anti aircraft missiles and they have been in talks with the pentagon about some new equipment, is there a possibility that this was a botched kidnapping? According to files Carl Johansen's daughter was a tear away and got in with a bad crowd and was killed in a drive by shooting, apparently she was a prostitute and a crack addict."

"She wasn't that's a lie!" Deeks said not realizing he had said that aloud until he saw everyone looking at him, "I…I mean it has to be right? I…Aw Hell!" he exclaimed as Nell pulled up the picture of her body on the ground after the shooting up onto the plasma, "TAKE THAT OFF THERE!" he yelled looked horrified at the screen and then ran out.

Kensi went to follow him and Callen caught her arm. "What the hell is going on with your partner?" he asked as Hetty walked in.

"Mr. Callen what…" She stopped as she saw the picture. The young woman in the picture lay dead on the ground her glassy eyes looking up into nothingness as a sobbing child sat nearby his terrified blue eyes looking directly at the person taking the picture, his blond hair hanging over his face blood speckled over his face and hair.

"Why is Mr. Deeks' mother's picture on the plasma?" she asked.

"That's his…Crap!" Callen swore and realized what had happened. "Where is Deeks?"

"He ran down the stairs and out of the building, I suggest you go and find him Ms Blye and Mr. Callen you had better fill me in on this case."

* * *

Deeks hadn't gone far he was sitting on the wall outside the mission his knees curled up to his chest staring at the landscape below him.

All he was doing was focusing on his breathing trying to keep his temper under control and not vomit onto the grass, the shock of that picture had him shaking at the knees and his stomach wanting to rebel against him. He couldn't afford to lose his temper, and if his uncle's death had something to do with his grandfather's company he owed it to his mother to help fix this. He had remembered them as soon as he had seen the picture as the couple in the police station when he was a child, he had remembered the look of disgust in their eyes as they had looked at him and he couldn't stop the tears that were freely flowing, he heard some footsteps coming up behind him and quickly wiped his eyes.

"You good?" Kensi asked sitting next to him but not looking at him, Deeks sighed and turned to her, "I will be, we need to find out what Johansen's company is dealing in that someone wants to stop him by killing his son." He said. He got up and turned to her, "I will be ok Kensi, they don't know who I am and I intend to keep it that way, I can do this." He insisted.

Kensi smiled and kissed his cheek, "I know you can Marty, but it's not me you need to convince."

He nodded and followed her into the mission to face the music.

* * *

Callen and Hetty met them at the door.

"Deeks." Callen started.

Deeks nodded at him, he wanted to let Callen know he was ok, but didn't want to talk about it right now.

"Mr. Callen, you and Mr. Hanna, collect Mr. and Mrs. Johansen and bring them to the boat shed." Hetty told him and Callen went to get Sam. Deeks walked up to Hetty.

"You can't take me off the case." He said flatly.

"Can you tell me you are not emotionally compromised by this?" Hetty asked.

Deeks took a deep breath and looked at her, "The picture was a shock, but I have no feelings whatsoever to the Johansen's I don't know them." He said honestly.

"Fine," Hetty said not liking it at all, "Head to the boatshed with Ms Blye and assist Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna." She said.

She walked off to her office not liking this case at all, what she hadn't told Deeks or the others was that she knew Carl Johansen and had dealt with him from time to time and he didn't seem the sort to be involved in anything underhand. She sighed as she took a picture out of her draw of her and Carl at the President's last state dinner. Of course she had no idea that he and Deeks were related until recently, she just hoped this wouldn't all blow up in their faces.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Carl Johansen sat in the interview room in the boatshed, knowing his wife was in the room across the hall.

He had no idea why NCIS would have pulled them in…scratch that he had an idea, he just wasn't sure. But when the two Agents came for them they went willingly, if it could help find the killers of their beloved son then it was worth it. But Carl wasn't totally focusing on the case. The detective that had been at the house earlier rattled him, he knew about their daughter, the things they hadn't told others. He seemed too young to have been on the case originally and he seemed emotionally invested in it. His reaction to his daughter's picture had told him that.

He hoped that the detective had maybe picked the case as a cold case to further his career and had just gotten caught up in the facts.

But his gut told him that might not be true; he needed to talk to the detective again, alone without his wife harping on in his ear.

* * *

"So Mr. Johansen Is there any chance that your son could have been kidnapped for anything your company is working on?" Callen asked.

"I'm sorry Agent…?" Carl started.

"Callen," Callen supplied.

"I would rather talk to that young detective we spoke to earlier." He said "I would feel more comfortable."

Callen looked at him and stood up and walked out the door to find Kensi and Deeks watching both rooms on the plasma.

"You supposed to be here?" Callen asked Deeks as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

Deeks nodded, "Hetty said it was ok, they don't know who I am and it shouldn't conflict with the case at all, in fact if it wasn't for the picture I wouldn't have remembered who they were." He admitted.

"The guy…Johansen, wants to talk to you, says he finds you more comfortable to talk to." Callen said.

"I'll talk to them both if you want; maybe my charm will get something out of Mrs. Johansen." Deeks grinned.

"Ok we'll let him sweat a little take her first, you never know the old Deeks charm might come up with something." Callen said wanting to show Deeks he hadn't lost faith in him. "We'll be right here if you need us."

Deeks grabbed the file and a bottle of water and walked into the room with Frieda Johansen, "Mrs. Johansen, in the last few months have you had any unexplained phone calls or letters, any feeling of being watched?" Deeks asked being friendly and placing a bottle of water in front of her.

She looked at the water as if it were filthy and moved back from him, "I know who you are…You looked the same as you did then, I will not have you in the same room as me," She got up and walked to the door.

"I'm sorry? Mrs. Johansen, I really need you to…." Deeks started and she threw the bottle at him,

"I saw the way my husband looked at you, I know he figured out what you were, and you're running around pretending to be a cop now. Do your partners know what you are, do they know you're the spawn of a rapist, you're probably just as bad as him, have you raped that pretty little thing of a partner yet." Deeks was shaking as Kensi came in and grabbed him out.

"You're a foul mouthed, evil woman," Kensi snarled, as she helped Deeks out of the door.

Stumbling Deeks leant against the other door as Kensi looked at him, "You good Deeks?" she asked.

He nodded once; he wasn't really but didn't want to upset her.

"Good," Kensi said and stormed into Frieda's room to tell the woman a few home truths.

* * *

Deeks leant against the door and stumbled backwards as it opened an inch, He composed himself and walked into the room closing the door on Kensi's yelling which could be heard from the others side of the corridor as he hear Sam and Callen running to his partners rescue.

He sat on the chair and looked at his grandfather; His eyes still showing the pain from his visit with his grandmother.

Not willing to go through what he had just been through again Deeks kept his face composed as he talked to Carl, "Agent Callen asked you a question earlier and you didn't answer was it because you didn't know or that you don't care if someone tried to kidnap your son?" Deeks asked.

"I care, I just wanted the opportunity to talk to you, Detective Deeks." Carl said.

"Fine, you're talking to me, now, tell me, have you been getting any anonymous calls or any strange letters, anything that would indicate you are being followed?" Deeks asked.

"I had some one following me for the past few weeks." Carl admitted.

Deeks looked up at that, "Is your company working on anything Classified right now?" He asked.

"We…" Carl stopped he knew this was top secret and didn't feel comfortable talking.

"If you don't feel like telling me, I can arrange for someone more suitable to talk with." Deeks said

Carl shook his head, "You seem like a good person Martin…" Carl gave a gentle shove.

"My name is Marty or Detective Deeks." Deeks snapped.

Carl nodded abashed and continued, "We have been developing a microchip which will on command, self destruct a missile if it has veered off course."

"That's not new, why would someone be after that?"

"These chips are individually programmable for each missile, so instead of a general self destruct button you can target each missile separately you can also reprogrammed the missile in mid air, if our enemy got hold of this technology they could send missiles we launch back to us."

Deeks gulped at the thought of a terrorist reprogramming the missiles to hit something like a school.

"So why target your son?"

"I have been away in meetings all month, My wife has been at a spa retreat with Sarah, they only got back yesterday, my son's ship has been in port for a while, he was probably the easiest to grab." Carl said honestly.

"Thank you, we will keep you here for now till we can arrange a protection detail for you and your wife and Mrs. Johansen, we'd like to keep you all safe until we catch these guys." Deeks said.

"Thank you." Carl said.

Deeks started to gather up his papers and leave, Carl placed a hand on his arm and Deeks flinched. "Sorry, but you have her eyes."

"I….what?" Deeks looked at the man, "I'm sorry." He said and turned for the door.

"We loved your mother very much," Carl said.

Deeks shot the older man such a look of shame and sadness but Carl continued, "It hit my wife the hardest, she doesn't mean what she says," He told his grandson gently.

"I'm sorry sir, but I think she means every word of it," Deeks said sadly, "It will however not make any difference to the investigation, we will find who did this and we will keep you all safe." Deeks said with conviction and walked out.

* * *

He threw the file on the table in the middle of the room and turned to the others.

"Did you get that?" He asked talking to Eric on the plasma.

"Hetty has set up a safe house; the only thing is that you and Kensi are the only two agents available for protection detail." Eric said apologetically.

"Great!" Deeks exclaimed.

"Callen and Sam have gone to pick up Sarah Johansen and take her there so you and Kensi have to take Mr. and Mrs. Johansen in the car." He said.

"Really!" Deeks said

"Mr. Deeks you did assure me not more than three hours ago that you were more than up to the task, have you perhaps changed your mind?" Hetty asked stepping into view.

"Er…no, Hetty but…." Deeks started.

"No buts' I have sent the address to you phones, it is suitably protected and the code will be sent when you get there." She told him as Kensi walked out.

The plasma switched off and Kensi turned to her partner, "What's the word?"

"We Fern are on babysitting duty!" Deeks said

"Who?" she asked.

"Them." Deeks replied waving his hand in the direction of the interrogation rooms.

Kensi's look of shock faded quickly. "So when are Sam and Callen coming to take them up to the safe house?" She asked.

"They're not, we are taking them." Deeks showed her the address,

"Deeks! It's three hours away!" she said stunned.

Deeks shrugged his shoulders, "You got your go-bag, we will be there a while." He said.

* * *

Hetty had hated the fact that Deeks had to take that woman and her husband to the safe house, but when she had passed on the information Deeks' had gotten from Carl Johansen, Director Vance had been insistent.

"Henrietta, the whole family has to be kept safe and that includes Mr. Deeks. His sister does not share blood with the Johansens and I am sure she has been well enough hidden up till now that she shouldn't come up on anyone's radar in response to them, I will call Mr. Deeks Senior, myself to inform him of Detective Deeks' assignment. I think Hetty it may be prudent if Mr. Deeks doesn't know he's under protection as well."

Hetty nodded, "Perhaps you are right Leon." She said glad she wasn't having this conversation over an open vid-link in OPS.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Deeks looked at his phone as the address they were to go to, flashed up. He sighed, he knew exactly where this was, it was just over a three hour drive and driving for three hours with Kensi was a plus, driving for three hours with his mother's parents was another matter.

He had hoped they wouldn't know who he was. He was determined to keep a distance from Frieda Johansen, he hadn't decided why she hated him so much or how come he seemed to remember her from somewhere, it nagged at his mind but he shook it off he had a job to do and whatever those people thought of him, he was going to prove them wrong.

Carl had been given a bottle of water and had handed over his cell phones and his PDA so he couldn't be traced. Kensi was still in the other room with Frieda, there had been some raised voices but Carl hadn't said anything to Deeks.

Deeks for his part had tried to not talk to any of them, he could feel Max scratching at the edge of his mind just wanting to jump in and protect him and it was hard for him to keep his alter ego at bay. He had studied the map and talked to Eric about the location of the safe house.

"But I can't see why we can't pick up our things!" Frieda's voice followed Kensi as she walked out of the interrogation room towards the main room of the boatshed.

"Mrs. Johansen is packing your things you left at her home and bringing them with her." Kensi informed them both.

"But we don't know what to wear?" She argued, Kensi sighed and ignored the woman as she turned to Carl.

"There are snacks in the fridge, the safe house is about three hours away do you or your wife, have any health problems we should be aware of?" Kensi asked.

"No, nothing major, I have allergies." Carl admitted.

"What to?" Deeks asked.

"Pollen, Rapeseed mostly." He admitted.

Kensi gave Deeks a nod, "Allergy pills, on it," Deeks said and opened the cabinet and got a couple of boxes down.

They headed to the car and Deeks and Kensi put their bags in the back plus two bags of weapons as Carl and Frieda got into the back of the car.

"You good Deeks?" Kensi asked gently.

Deeks looked at her and gave a small smile. "Not entirely, Max is itching to get out and get his hands on them." He admitted.

Kensi looked concerned, "Is this going to be a problem?" she asked, she needed to know her partner was going to have her back.

Deeks opened a bag and rattled a bag of pills, "You think Hetty would let me go without these…Although her words were, 'give them to Ms. Blye, if you stop being you she should fill you full of these, so Mr. Deeks I suggest you keep a handle on things,'" Deeks looked at Kensi who laughed, "Only Hetty could order me to overdose you in a joke and make us both worry." She smiled. "Come on partner, we have a long drive ahead."

Deeks took a deep breath and walked to the car.

* * *

It was two hours before Frieda stopped pointedly looking out of the window and finally turned to Kensi and asked, "Where is this safe house?"

"It's in Santa Margarita; Hetty has a farmhouse out there. Mrs. Johansen, Callen and Sam should be there before us," Deeks replied.

Kensi looked out of the window something had been bugging her for a while, a black SUV had been popping up for the last ten miles.

"Deeks?" Kensi said.

Deeks looked out of the window and nodded, "Coffee Fern?" he asked with a smile.

Kensi nodded.

Deeks noticed a service station coming up.

They pulled up and Kensi said to the Johansens, "why don't you both go in for coffee?" Carl nodded and took his wife inside as Deeks walked to the trunk. Opening it he took another gun out of the bag.

"Do you think its trouble?" Kensi asked.

Deeks looked as the SUV crawled into the parking lot. "I don't know, we can't risk them following us to the safe house and I don't want to take them into the service station either." He said worried.

The car crawled by them and parked, two men walked out and past them to a vendor who gave them coffee and they stood laughing and drinking the drink.

"They look ok?" Kensi said.

Deeks didn't look happy but he had to agree the men looked harmless and hadn't looked their way any more than a normal person would have done. He turned and followed Kensi into the Diner.

"I have to share a car with him, but I won't eat with him!" Deeks heard Frieda say to Carl as they walked into the Diner.

"I'll grab a coffee and meet you outside, you eat and I'll check the perimeter," He said. Kensi looked at him sadly but he shook it off, he grabbed a vending machine coffee and walked off.

As he walked back to the car he saw one of the men, he looked like he had just gotten up from behind the car. "LAPD FREEZE!" Deeks said drawing his gun. He stopped as a click sounded from right by his ear.

"I suggest detective you drop your gun, and come with me." The other man said.

Deeks went with them behind the diner shooting a glance at the diner only to see Kensi's view of him was blocked by Frieda standing between her and him.

"You know my partner will be here in a moment and will kick your ass," Deeks said with a wavering conviction.

"Na that annoying old woman is keeping your partner busy for us," The taller of the two heavyset men said, "I don't care if you are a cop she paid us a lot of money to find you, she wants you to know that you are to stay away from her family," he said and hit Deeks in the stomach.

"Yeah, she knows what you are, you're a rapists' kid, she reckons you're just as bad," The other man said and hit him in the ribs.

"She doesn't want you anywhere near her family." The other man said as the pair of them proceeded to hit him around the torso, "If you say anything to anyone that pretty little partner of yours will get it." He snarled.

The pair of them carried on hitting Deeks for a few minutes and then dropped his gun just out of reach and walked off, their tires screeching as they peeled out of the parking lot.

Deeks grabbed his gun and slowly eased himself to his feet. So his 'grandmother' had paid those hoods to beat him up and get him to stay away from her family, he gave a small sad grin, he had managed to get through that and keep Max at bay. He knew that right now would not be the right time to bring it up and just wanted to get back on the road.

He made it back to the car just as an annoyed Kensi came out with Carl and Frieda. "You ok?" She asked as she climbed in the car.

"Yeah, it was nothing, the men just left, must have been just travelling in the same direction." Deeks said wincing slightly as he climbed in behind the driving seat.

"You want me to drive?" Kensi asked.

"Yeah, I think I've pulled a muscle." Deeks lied as they swapped places.

Frieda gave him a snide look as he got into the car, but if it bothered him Deeks gave no sign.

* * *

Deeks slept as Kensi drove on, his nightmares only making him stir in his sleep. Kensi shot him a few worried glances as they drove on.

"Is he alright?" Carl asked as Frieda shot him a dirty look.

"He was injured rescuing a woman recently; I think he has some nightmares from that." Kensi said hoping Deeks wouldn't talk.

Deeks stirred as they arrived in the small town of Santa Margarita. "NO!" he yelled as he shot up in the chair.

Frieda rolled her eyes and tutted as Kensi pulled over, "Deeks, Marty…it's ok, we're here." She said; he groaned as what he suspected was a cracked rib moved under his skin.

"'s ok Fern, sorry," Deeks said as he got out of the car and checked around before opening the car door for Frieda to get out.

Callen appeared on the porch of the old 1930's farmhouse with a coffee in his hand. "Hey guys' Sarah's made a meal."

"Great I'm starving." Kensi said as she and Carl moved towards the house.

Deeks turned to Frieda as he grabbed the bags, "I met your friends earlier." He said quietly.

"They meant what they said I will not have you sleeping in the same house as my soon to be grandchild. You will not corrupt my family with your filth." She snarled while maintaining a straight face. "They know where that kid sister of yours is and they'll get her if you don't do as I tell you."

All the color fled from Deeks' face.

"Fine, you win, but I have a job to do, so you let me do that and I'll keep this between us." Deeks said, "Just don't let them hurt her."

Frieda smiled, "Help me with these bags Martin." She said louder as Callen walked over.

Walking into the house Deeks was struck with its size and defensibility, "Hetty picked this as well?" he said.

Sam nodded, "Yep."

"OK let's get you all settled, Mr. and Mrs. Johansen; you will be in the master bedroom. Sarah, you'll be in the second bedroom, Sam and I will take the third, Deeks you'll have the back and Kensi, you get the couch ok?" Callen said

"No, I'll take the couch," Deeks said.

Kensi shrugged, "That's ok with me." She said.

"Kenz, you Sam and me will take rotating guard detail." Callen carried on.

"What about me?" Deeks asked.

Sam looked at Callen and grinned, "You're under protection, Hetty's orders."

"WHAT….NO!" Deeks started to argue.

Sam clapped him on the back, "Sorry Deeks," He joked and then his face dropped as Deeks groaned and collapsed to the ground unconscious.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Sam and the others looked on horrified as Deeks' eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed onto the floor.

"Deeks!" Kensi yelled and ran to his side.

Carl and Sarah looked on concerned and Frieda stood back a small smile of satisfaction on her face.

Deeks' eyes fluttered open, "There you are, you ok man?" Sam asked.

"Back the fuck off!" Deeks growled and moved himself further away from the group shielding his fractured ribs.

Callen crouched down maintaining a safe distance, "Deeks?"

Max smiled, "Not here right now, he's off licking his wounds. Figured it was time I protected him." Max smirked, Callen shivered, Max had whispered and he knew that right now only he knew that Max was back.

"Can I touch you; I need to move you off the floor to the sofa." Callen explained.

Max nodded, "Just you and Kensi." He said.

Callen turned to the others, "I'm going take Deeks to his room, and he needs to rest." He told them.

"I am not sleeping in the house with that…he'll attack us in our sleep." Frieda snapped.

Max shook Callen off and stared at her, "You kinda made sure Deeks wasn't in any fit state to do anything, not even protect you, which by the way was  **all** he wanted to do, he wanted to protect  **you**  and then forget you ever existed."

Max turned and walked towards the room Callen had pointed out. He reached the bed and looked at Kensi, "Thank you…don't worry I don't think I'm here for long, just…Keep that woman away from Deeks, it's her fault he's like this, He won't tell you, those guys in the SUV, she paid them to beat him up and warn him away." Max looked at Kensi to make sure she understood exactly what he was saying, "Protect him," Max added as Deeks fell asleep on the bed.

* * *

Kensi stood up in shock the information she had just received flooding through her and she walked back into the other room.

"How is he?" Carl asked Sarah standing with him.

"Was he badly hurt? What happened?" Sarah asked

Sam and Callen looked at Kensi who was pale and shaking. She was barely holding herself together as she turned to Frieda.

"What no concern for your Grandson?" she sneered at the woman.

"Grandson?" Sarah asked confused.

Kensi nodded, "Deeks is Allison Johansen's son."

Sarah put one hand on her baby and sank into a chair; Frieda and Carl were instantly at her side.

"If you hurt Sarah or her baby…I will have your badge." Frieda threatened her.

"I don't think so, Mrs. Johansen, I have it on good authority that you…." Kensi stopped as the door slammed open and Deeks stood leaning heavily against the door-frame.

"KENS! NO," Deeks said He breathed heavy for a few seconds and then quietly added, "Please, don't."

Kensi walked towards Deeks, "Max?" she said softly and Deeks shook his head.

Sarah got up and walked to Deeks, "Hi…I'm your Aunt Sarah." She said extending her hand. Deeks looked at it confused the horror crossed his face and he looked at Frieda.

"I….I didn't tell her!" he said backing off from his aunt.

Deeks leant against the wall, "Please don't hurt her…Callen please get Kensi out of here, and make sure she is safe." He said as another wave of pain washed over him.

Sam put a chair and a first aid kit down on the table. "Sit."

"No, I need you to Kensi safe….please!" he begged.

Sam lifted Deeks' shirt and Sarah hissed looking at the bruises on Deeks' torso.

Deeks looked down ashamed. "God, Deeks what happened?!" Sam exclaimed.

"Nothin" Deeks snapped looking away.

Callen stood and looked at him, "You're going to give  **me**  that line?" he asked incredulously.

"No." Deeks replied.

* * *

"I'm safe Deeks I'm right here." Kensi said reassuring him. Deeks looked scared over a Frieda and on instinct Callen pulled his gun.

"Ok what the hell is going on, Deeks I want the truth, who did this to you?" Callen snapped.

"Guys in a service station on the way here…the Johansen's were not compromised, this is all on me, they were hired to rough me up and warn me off." He said looking ashamed.

"This isn't good for Sarah; I am taking her to her room." Frieda said.

"I'm staying right here, I want to know who hurt my nephew and why?" she said stubbornly.

"THAT THING IS NOT YOUR NEPHEW, HE IS FILTH AND I WON'T HAVE HIM NEAR MY FAMILY!" She shrieked.

Both Carl and Sarah looked on horrified as Deeks turned away and tried to make himself as inconspicuous as possible. Carl stood up and walked over to his wife.

Sarah looked confused, "you've only just met him, you know nothing about him, and how can you say that?"

"It's not the first time we've met him." Carl admitted quietly "We met when he was eleven, a detective brought us to the police station…." Carl was interrupted by Frieda's furious scream.

"NO CARL! I spent years covering this up, no one needs to know, I said then and I'll say it now, he was just a kid, no one cares about him but your reputation could be ruined, that …thing could bankrupt us." She hissed her eyes rabid and wild.

* * *

Carl stepped back, "You covered this up?" he asked.

"I made the boy disappear and I sent people to stop Deeks from telling anyone….We can afford it no one can touch us!" she wasn't even aware of her surroundings.

"But you told me that after he was processed, he didn't want to come with us, I thought he hated us because he knew?" Carl said.

"Knew what?" Deeks asked suddenly interested in the conversation.

Carl walked over to his grandson and sat next to him in another kitchen chair. "I'm sorry son, I am so sorry."

"What?" Deeks looked scared.

"I knew Brandel." Carl said simply and Deeks flinched at the name.

"You…you knew my…him?" Deeks spluttered.

Carl nodded sadly, "When we started the company, before Allison went missing Brandel was my business partner, I thought he was strange when he kept cornering Allison, but your…my wife encouraged them to get together, she said that it was harmless flirtation and Brandel had contacts among the rich and powerful."

Deeks looked stunned and Kensi moved behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders to give him her supports as Sarah moved closer to Callen and Sam slowly moved unnoticed behind Frieda.

"She knew…did she know all the time where mom was?" Deeks asked.

"Of course I did, she was a small price to pay for the standing we got in the community. People were so willing to help us and give us support."

* * *

Even Carl looked floored by this revelation, "I looked for years for her!" he breathed tears rolling down his cheeks, "My little girl was missing and  **you knew**  where she was?"

Frieda sneered, "Little girl, I saw her for what she really was that blonde hair and those blue eyes…she would have taken all the attention has she not been brought down a peg or two."

Deeks struggled under Kensi's surprisingly strong grip. "A…a peg or t..t..two?!...Brandel raped her, she was a child. She loved you both dearly; she would tell me stories about you and how much she loved you both and you  _ **KNEW**_  this was happening to her, what he was doing to her!" Deeks shook as he remembered all she had gone through.

"He paid me well for her," Frieda snapped.

Carl walked over to the trashcan and threw up as Deeks collapsed into Kensi's hold.

Carl saw Sam move… "Wait." He said. He turned to his wife. "You sold our child and had people beat our grandchild and stopped me from raising him…did you have anything to do with Christian's death?" he asked afraid of the answer.

"He was looking into Allison's death, He was only supposed to be warned off, but he fought back." Frieda admitted.

Sam moved then and cuffed Frieda, "Frieda Johansen you are under arrest, for the aiding and abetting of a felony against a law enforcement officer and for the murder of your son, Christian Johansen and for the trafficking of a minor one Allison Johansen."

Deeks was pale as he watched Callen and Sam lead Frieda to the car.

Carl and Sarah hugged each other as they realized their lives had now changed dramatically.

As Kensi moved to comfort them Carl turned to Deeks.

"Deeks….Marty….I….." he started.

"I….I'm sorry!" Deeks said and ran out of the room.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Running across the yard his ribs aching with every step, Deeks did something he hadn't done since he was a child, he climbed the solitary oak tree that was growing in the far corner of the property trying to just get as far away as possible and as soon as he was sure no one could see him he leant against the trunk on the widest branch and he sobbed.

Sobbed was definitely the word for it, he had cried a few times in his lifetime, but only twice could he remember sobbing so much his heart wanted to tear itself out of his chest and clinging onto the branch he held he thought about just letting himself fall, no one would care, really if he was gone…hell if it hadn't been born then maybe…just maybe none of this would have happened and then he wouldn't have just been responsible for destroying a family and making a child fatherless.

* * *

In the house everyone stood in shock and Kensi got to follow her partner, "Wait, please." Carl said, "I think I need to be the one to talk to him."

Kensi looked at Carl suspiciously "OK, but if you…." The threat was left unsaid as Carl turned to look at the young woman who was his grandson's partner.

"Ma'am, I love that boy, he is the only link to my daughter, if I had known any of this beforehand I would have stopped it years ago and had the relationship I should have had with him." Carl said.

Kensi sat with Sarah and nodded, "He won't have gone too far he's still on protection detail so he won't leave the grounds," She said as Carl walked out of the door.

Carl looked over at the barren yard, apart from an old broken down mustang in the corner which was rusty and missing its tires and the oak tree in the other corner there was no one out there. He was about to go in and tell Kensi he might have left when he heard a noise on the wind…there it was again and sob and a sniff. His heart broke as he saw Deeks in the tree, from the angle and distance he looked like Allison when she used to dress in her jeans and tree climb, he knew exactly what to do and did the same thing now as he had back then when she was a child, and he climbed the tree.

Carl at sixty-two, was no spring chicken, but he was still fit and healthy, although it was harder than he remembered he was soon level with Deeks.

* * *

"This branch taken?" he asked.

Deeks looked up in surprise and wiped his eyes, "N…No sir." He said and moved a bit knowing the large branch would take both of their weights. "D..Do you want me to leave?" Deeks asked.

"I hope not, I'd hate to have to climb down the tree to talk to you." Carl smiled.

"I…I am sorry for your loss and for your wife, I didn't mean for this to happen…She was right I destroyed your life, I would have been better if I wasn't born." Deeks said sadly looking at the ground, jumping didn't seem as tempting now that there was a witness and he really didn't want to upset the other man any more than he already had done.

"I need to explain something to you son." Carl said turning to look at Deeks, 'my God he has his mothers eyes!' he thought looking at the sadness within them.

Deeks looked at Carl and just said softly, "Please, don't…"

Normally Deeks could take anything thrown at him, but today, after all he had learned, what his… what Frieda had done to his mother, how she had known who he was and helped destroy so many lives, he couldn't take anymore, he wondered if that was where Max came from, the part of himself that was like Frieda and Brandel. Maybe that's who he was at heart and Deeks wasn't real…or…he hoped to himself, Deeks was the part of himself that was the most like the Allison Johansen from the picture, the carefree, Happy little girl who hadn't been touched by the evil of life. More than anything he wanted to cling onto that, he didn't want Carl coming and telling him how he had ruined his family, how Frieda had been right how he was the spawn of evil and should be avoided at all costs.

"I'm sorry." Carl said simply.

Nothing else, just that and he sat back as it sank in.

Deeks looked at him and blinked as the fog in his head cleared.

"Sorry?" Deeks said. "W…why are  **you**  sorry?" he didn't get it, "I destroyed your family, if I hadn't been born none of this would have come out, you would still have your son and your grandchild and your wife…I ruined that,  **me** …Why are you apologizing?" He asked.

Carl looked in amazement. The boy had been beaten by men his grandmother had hired, found out his mother had been sold to his father by his grandmother, sat there as she told his colleagues that he was a product of rape and that he could have had a loving home with family rather than spending the first eleven years of his life growing up with a father that beat him and humiliated him at every opportunity and  **HE** was sorry!

Carl turned to him, "I understand if you don't want to talk to me all I ask is that you listen and if at any point you don't want to I will stop, but I promise I won't hurt you." Carl said gently.

Hugging his knees to him, but not trusting his voice Deeks nodded.

* * *

"I loved your mother very much, from the moment she was born she was a light in my life, when she left my world bottomed out, I had no idea that my ex- business partner had her, I had taken her and Frieda out for the day…"

"Just after the picnic…" Deeks found himself saying, "She loved that memory, it was my favorite story."

Carl nodded, "It was still summer, Frieda had suggested we go to the beach for the day and Ally was so excited. I went crazy when I couldn't find her I looked for months, every morning till late at night going to the same stretch of beach looking for her, for years until we got a message from the police."

Deeks looked at his feet not meeting Carl's eyes.

"We…identified our baby, your mother's body, and the detective said she had had a child, I was shocked, she was only a child herself barely in her twenty's and when I realized how old she must have been when she had you I felt sick to my stomach…Not because of you, but because what she had gone through." He added hastily, "I saw you, eleven years old, asleep, sucking your thumb in the police station, I wanted to hug you and take you home right then."

Deeks looked up, tears starting to form in his eyes, "But…I heard you, you didn't want me, I was filthy and not worth the bother; a rapists kid…I didn't know what that was, but I was in shock, I….I still had mom's brains on….on my sh…shirt." Deeks let the tears fall, "Mom loved me and she was gone, Brandel hated me; I had just shot him, he had just shot my mom and run away and you didn't want me…I wasn't worth it. No one wanted me…"

"I did, Frieda had a meltdown and convinced me that she couldn't look after you, and then she told me she was pregnant with Christian and you had talked to her and didn't want to come with us." Carl said, "I loved her and I believed her, I am sorry. I would have been proud to raise such a fine young upstanding person and am proud to be your grandfather, even if you do not want me as part of your life; I needed you to know that."

"She told me stories, I got to see her once a day when she and I were both good, and she told me all about you and how much she loved you and her mom. She never knew…if that's what you wanted to know, she never knew her mom did this to her." Deeks said.

"It wasn't what I wanted to know, but thank you for that," Carl said.

Deeks looked up looking Carl in the eye for the first time, "I don't understand then, what do you want?"

"I want to know you, I want to let you know you are loved, I…if you will allow it, Sarah and I would like to be part of your life." Carl said.

"Why?" Deeks asked

"Oh my poor boy, I am your Grandfather, and I would like to be a part of your life, Every time I look at you I know how much your mother would have been proud of you, becoming a policeman and working with Federal Agents. Please come back with me, meet your Aunt properly, I know my new Granddaughter will benefit from having her cousin Marty and I hear she has another cousin, Jennifer…I would like to meet her, I hear she's as lovely as you…and your foster father, Jeff…I want you all to be a part of the family, please son, come home." Carl made his impassioned plea and waited as he watched the disbelief, hope and uncertainty cross his face.

Scared but hopeful, Deeks made his decision turning carefully on the branch, wincing as he pulled his ribs a bit he turned to Carl "I think I'd lik…." He was cut off in mid-word as Carl slipped off the edge of the branch.

"GRANDPA!" Deeks yelled as he grabbed Carl by the wrist, his ribs screaming in protest.

"KENSI…KENSI….HELP!" Deeks called as he felt his hold slipping, "Hold on Grandpa, help's coming….please don't die!" he begged looking towards the house praying she had heard him.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"KENSI!" Deeks screamed he felt his hold starting to slip and Carl tried with his other hand to reach for the branch.

The back door to the house opened and Sarah screamed, "Dad!...Kensi, grab a blanket and call 911!" She moved as fast as she could towards the tree. "We're coming just hold on." She called.

Deeks looked down into Carl's eyes expecting to see disappointment or fear in his face, he saw neither of those things.

"It's ok Marty, if I am meant to fall then I will, it will not be your fault and I don't blame you."

"I'm not gonna let you fall." Deeks said gritting his teeth as the pain washed over him, there was a grating and a sickening crunch as his shoulder separated and his facial features changed for a second. "Not now!" Deeks growled to himself through the pain. "Just hold on Grandpa, Kensi will be here in a second."

Carl gave a small smile, "That's the third time you've called me Grandpa." He said.

"Sorry," Deeks said

"I expect many more when we are out of this." Carl grunted trying again to reach the branch behind him.

* * *

Kensi and Sarah arrived under the tree and threw down a mattress, pillows and held out the blanket between them. "OK, Carl…we're ready, just fall we'll catch you…you'll be fine." Kensi called.

"Do you trust her?" Carl asked looking Deeks in the eyes as his grandsons' grip hadn't lessened.

"With all that I am." Deeks said sincerely.

"Then let me go son, I'll be fine." Carl said softly.

Deeks looked scared but nodded and let go closing his eyes not wanting to watch if the worst happened.

Carl landed safely and got up and helped grab the blanket again.

"Deeks….your turn," Carl called, he had heard the crunch and knew he was hurt and needed to get down and was now unable to climb down.

Try as he might, Deeks wouldn't let go; the second he got down there he knew that they would turn on him for putting Carl in danger.

"Come on shaggy, I've got you." Kensi said and smiled as Deeks relaxed his grip and fell.

He landed with a thump looked at her and passed out.

They gently lowered him to the ground as an ambulance came into view.

"Deeks?" Kensi asked she brushed his face with her hand as he groaned.

"No…" Deeks shied away from her touch, "Don't touch me…please…I'll be good…hurts…." He moaned.

"The paramedics are here, will you let them help?" Kensi said softly.

"Hurts…Fern?" Deeks said still incoherent with the pain.

The paramedic bent down, "What happened?"

Kensi filled him in as the paramedic checked him out…

"He got all these injuries from falling out of a tree….some of these look years old, this man's been beaten, a lot as from childhood by the looks of it?" Giving Carl a filthy look.

The paramedic took a needle out and loaded it with a sedative so they could pass Deeks from the blanket to the gurney.

He touched Deeks who instinctively moved away. "Mr. Deeks, I'm a paramedic, my name is Jason, I'm not here to hurt you, will you let me touch you, I just want to take the pain away and get you some help."

"No pain…" Deeks moaned and allowed the paramedic to inject him. As quickly allowed the darkness to claim him his hand moved out and grabbed Carl's hand as he went under, "Don't leave Grandpa…" he said as he fell asleep.

Carl turned to Kensi and Sarah, "I'll go with him, don't worry I'll keep him safe." He promised.

Kensi turned to Sarah, "You are still until I'm told otherwise under protection, get what you need, I'll call my boss and give her an update on what's happened and we will meet them at the hospital."

* * *

Hetty sat in her office staring at her cup of tea with no interest in drinking it. Something was wrong…she had heard from Callen and Sam that they were bringing in Frieda Johansen for the murder of her son and she had found out the rest as Callen had called her whilst Frieda shouted obscenities in the background. She should have been satisfied, but she wasn't.

Her phone rang and she answered the phone within a second.

She listened horrified as Kensi filled her in on what happened after Callen and Sam had left and what the paramedic said about Deeks' injuries.

"Which hospital?" She asked and listened to the answer, "I'm on my way." She said and replaced the receiver.

Filling Nell in and getting her promise to alert Callen and Sam to Deeks' condition Hetty set out to collect Jeff and Jen, Right now Mr. Deeks needed his family and she was fully prepared to make sure they were there from him.

Jen and Jeff had just finished dinner and Jen was just clipping Monty to his leash for his evening walk when Hetty pulled up outside.

"Jeff…Hetty's here!" Jen called and jogged down the path, waving to Hetty as she and Monty jogged past her jaguar.

Jeff walked to the door, "Hetty! It's good to see you…" He started his face fell as he saw how serious she was looking.

"Come in, what's wrong…is Marty ok?"

Hetty sat down and she filled Jeff in on what had happened.

"That WITCH!" Jeff snapped. "After all, my boy's been through she has him attacked!"

"She has been arrested Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are escorting her to county lock up as we speak, But Mr. Deeks had a small breakdown he climbed a tree and ended up talking to his grandfather, apparently the outcome of the talk was good, but as they were finishing, Mr. Johansen slipped and fell, Mr. Deeks caught him, but with the trauma of his earlier beating he dislocated his shoulder and managed to hold onto Mr. Johansen until it was safe to let him go then he fell himself, the paramedics arrived and Mr. Deeks has been rushed into hospital he has Mr. Johansen with him, but I feel that it will do him good if you and Miss Brandel were there as well." She said.

Jeff got up and grabbed two bags from the hall closet, "As soon as Jen's back we will go, where is he?"

"A small country hospital just outside Santa Margarita, I will drive you it is already a three hour drive and you will need rest before you get there."

Jeff nodded, "God Hetty, how much more does he have to go through…why on earth did you allow him to work with them,"

"He said he could handle it, Mr. Deeks is a grown man, I have to trust my agents." She said.

* * *

"Did I ever tell you exactly what happened when he was eleven?" Jeff asked handing Hetty a tea while they waited for Jen to come home.

"I picked Marty up…well I literally had to prize him from his dead mothers arms, he was determined and wouldn't leave her, he was still protecting her dead body from his father when I got there, no one had been able to get close" Jeff said as he sat down, "I managed to get him off her so the ME could take her body and I got him to the station to get him cleaned, up."

Eleven year old Martin shook as Jeff handed him a damp towel for his face and helped get him into the station showers.

Martin refused to take his clothes off and stood there as the cold water made all his clothes wet, they were filthy as he was but as Jeff pulled him out to take off his wet clothes Martin just stood there his dead eyes staring at the wall, only flinching anytime Jeff touched his skin, but still not saying anything.

He dried and dressed the boy in a LAPD t-shirt and a pair of kid's pants he'd grabbed from lost and found. Marty still didn't talk Jeff had the doc check him out and wrapped him and a blanket and sat him on a bench while the doc filled him in on the boy's condition.

"I am concerned about his state of mind as well as his physical condition, there are signs that this boy has been physically abused for years he is malnourished and his vitamin D levels are way down indicating that he hasn't seen the sun a lot in his life…I take it he was removed by child services from his parents…" the doctor said.

Jeff shot her a look, "He's the kid in the Brandel case."

"Oh my, the poor boy. So that's the child of Allison Johansen, the kidnap victim?"

"I assume so, do we have proof she had a child?" Jeff asked

"Yes, her internal organs show signs of severe trauma and a least two pregnancies." The doctor said.

Jeff nodded and walked up to Martin.

"Hey kid, do you have any brothers or sisters?" he asked worried they had left another child there.

Martin nodded, "Momma had a baby…she was my little sister…daddy said girls were worthless…he…." Martin broke down in sobs.

"Did he hurt her?"

Martin nodded, "Fern was beautiful she looked like mommy, but daddy got mad coz she cried, I tried to help her but he hit me and hurt my leg, I couldn't get to her, then she didn't cry anymore." He said softly.

Jeff held his fists behind his back, "Fern's an angel, mommy says that sometimes angels come back as people we love." Martin said and yawned. He snuggled into the blanket and dozed off.

Jeff turned as The Johansens were escorted in, Jeff took them into another room and waited with Mr. Johansen while his wife identified the body, he was too distraught to go down, she came back up and just nodded and he broke down.

"She had two children, we have just learnt she had a daughter, but she died, her son, martin is out in the hallway. Brandel, their father is on the run, we still have units out looking for him, but as Martin's grandparents I thought you might want to take him in and give him a home."

"No!" Frieda got up and looked at Carl, "I am not taking that thing home, he is the son of a rapist, he hurt our baby and I don't want to have to look at his spawn every day."

"Honey, It's just a child…" Carl argued.

"I am pregnant Carl, I cannot risk our baby in the same environment as a traumatized child, a registered care home would be the best place for him." She snapped.

"Family would be the best place for him," Carl tried reasoning with his wife.

"Then let him live with his rapist father…he  **will not**  live with us." Frieda put her hand to her stomach, "This isn't good for me or the baby, Carl, I'm leaving." She said and walked past the sleeping boy.

"But Frieda?" Carl argued.

"Look I talked to him earlier, he was nasty and snappy and he said he didn't want to live with us…I will not have him in my house, if he comes I am leaving and taking our baby with us."

Carl looked at the sleeping boy his blond hair barely covering the fact he was sucking his thumb and sighed.

"I'm sorry," He said to Jeff and walked out with his wife, leaving the boy all alone.

* * *

Jeff looked at Hetty, "That was the point when I decided that I would foster him, I couldn't leave him in the system he'd been through so much already."

Hetty nodded, "You did a good thing Mr. Deeks." She stopped as the door opened.

"Hetty, Jeff….what's wrong?" Jen asked as she saw the look on both their faces.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Deeks looked around he had no idea where he was, there were trees and lush green grass, the sky was blue and the air smelled sweet with the sound of the ocean not too far in the distance, but he felt safe. "Hey there little man." A beautiful blonde haired woman came and sat on the grass.

"Mom?" Deeks said confused. A small blonde haired girl came and wrapped her arms around Deeks' neck.

"Hey big brother!" He smiled and kissed his cheek.

He reached up to touch where she had kissed him, "Fern? Am I dead?" He asked a small sliver of fear racing through him.

"Not quite, not yet." Allison said as she took his hand.

"You're just visiting us…" Fern giggled sitting in Deeks' lap.

"We just thought, while you were here we would see you, you need to trust your grandfather, he is a good man Marty, he has such a good heart, you need a family to surround you." Allison stroked his hair as he leaned into her, "Trust Sarah and Dad, they are good for you and you will be good for your cousin when she is born. I know that Gordon hurt you badly, but he is gone now and you will be fine, if you allow others in…"

"But Mom…I hurt them, I hurt them all." Deeks said looking sad

"Silly that wasn't you that was the bad people…"Fern giggled.

Deeks wove his fingers through her hair. "You're really pretty…" he smiled at his sister.

"I like Kensi…you gave her my name." Fern smiled.

"But mom, what if I ruin everything?" Deeks asked.

"Fern and I will always be watching over you, but Max needs to go, you don't need him anymore baby, he was your protection from Brandel…and he's gone. You are not Martin Brandel, you are Marty Deeks. You are my baby and I am so very proud of the man you have become, I wish I could have been there to see you grown up baby, but it wasn't to be…sometimes it just isn't. Let them in Marty; let us love you through them."

Allison got up and held her hand out for Fern who kissed Marty and climbed off his lap.

"Mom….Fern….please don't go!" Marty reached out but their hands although close, didn't meet.

* * *

"Mom….Fern….Please, I don't want to be alone….Fern!" Deeks called.

"Marty?" Kensi said holding his hand. "You're not alone, we're here."

"Fern?" Deeks said his eyes slowly opening.

"Son, welcome back," Carl said smiling as Deeks fully opened his eyes.

Realizing they were gone, Deeks closed his eyes and let a tear roll down one cheek. "Mom…" he whispered. She hadn't been there, it had been an hallucination brought on by pain killers.

He felt the pain throbbing in his shoulder as the day's events came back to him.

"Grandpa…are you ok?" He asked lifting himself up off the bed with his good arm. Kensi helped him to sitting and he looked at Carl who was smiling from ear to ear at him.

"Just hearing you call me Grandpa…that makes everything all right." Carl said beaming back at his grandson.

Deeks lay back as another wave of pain overwhelmed him.

"Can I get you anything?" Sarah asked her Nephew, Deeks shook his head; he looked over at Kensi who was sat looking sad.

* * *

He realized that the arm that was hurt was the one he shot with, "Kenz…Kenzalina, I'm sure it'll be ok. I've had worse." He joked, but stopped as she looked to the floor.

"What?" Deeks asked suddenly afraid.

"Mr. Deeks…" Hetty voice came from the hallway.

"Oh God," Deeks said, everyone was here and he was injured…he knew it he had majorly fucked up. He shouldn't have gotten so close to the Johansens, he had allowed himself to become emotionally involved in a case and it had backfired…That's why Kensi was upset, Hetty was here to fire him.

There was no way she'd do it in front of them….would she?

He had known he was on borrowed time when they discovered about Max. Hetty had put herself out for him, arguing with the director to let him stay; he had let her down, the first person to show faith in him.

"I'm sorry Hetty." Deeks said.

"Mr. Deeks I…." Hetty started.

"Don't, just don't please?" he begged of her.

She looked perplexed and sat down.

"May we have a moment alone?" she asked.

Everyone nodded and got up to leave. Deeks looked at Kensi imploringly, he knew the second that she walked out that door and Hetty told her that he was off the team he would never see her again.

She gave him a small smile and left.

"It's in the drawer, I assume." Deeks said.

"What is?" Hetty asked.

"My badge and gun…although I'm not so sure about my gun." He admitted.

"And why Mr. Deeks would I need to know where your weapon and credentials are located?" She asked.

"So you can fire me?" Deeks looked at her, was she really going to drag this out?

"Actually I was going to tell you that I have talked to your doctor, you will need six months of extensive physical therapy, but he can't see any reason why your arm will not be fully functional by that time, and then you will be able to rejoin us at work."

"I…I can't afford it, my last stint out used up all of my Medicare, I'm sorry Hetty, I will have to quit." Deeks said sadly.

"I do not want you to leave Mr. Deeks." Hetty said, "I would hate to lose such a promising Agent,"

"Not an Agent Hetty, I was LAPD, I have a fitness interview in six weeks and I'll fail so my jobs gone anyway. You'd be better off looking for a new cop, just make sure it's someone who will watch the team's backs." Deeks said and looked away hoping that Hetty would get the hint and leave.

"Do you mind, I'm tired…Can you tell them…please, they can just go home."

Hetty got up and walked to the waiting room.

"We have a problem," she said to the small gathering sat there.

* * *

Deeks waited until the door had closed and then he lifted himself up to a sitting position.

It took a few minutes and if he had had to admit it, yeah, it really hurt, but he got himself dressed.

He hadn't been back at work long enough to qualify for his insurance yet, he hated doing this but he hoped that Hetty would take care of the bill so far, if he could get another job he would be able to pay her back, but injured like this he wasn't going to be a burden on any of them. His grandpa and Sarah would soon have a new baby to worry about and he didn't know them well enough to ask them for money, he wasn't his father he wouldn't do that.

Kensi and the team needed someone who could watch their back; he couldn't even fire a gun and Hetty couldn't afford to have a team that was not at 100% efficiency, Although he knew Callen might fight for him, he knew Sam wouldn't have the time for anyone who wasn't able to pull their weight on the team.

Jen…He loved her dearly, his other little sister, she couldn't support him until he could get a job, she had her own education, but at least she wasn't alone, she had Jeff, he would look after her.

He himself, he knew he could survive on the streets; it wasn't like he hadn't done so before when undercover.

He wasn't going to be a burden, he wasn't going to listen to a dream, he knew he had disappointed everyone and he had let his team down. He had gotten emotionally involved and it had backfired on him, he had destroyed a family, denied a child it's grandmother and had hurt a man who had tried to accept him, if he hadn't been up that tree, Carl wouldn't have been hurt and Sarah wouldn't have put her baby in danger by trying to catch him.

He went up that damn tree; he did not anyone else, and until he was in a position to put it right he wasn't staying…what if it had been Kensi that fell!

He opened the door quietly and slipped out into the hallway.

Looking down he heard Hetty talking to the others.

"He can't come back to NCIS …" He heard her say, he swallowed a lump that appeared in his throat and walked the other way.

* * *

Hetty stood looking at the assembled throng.

"He can't come back to NCIS in his current state, I am informed he has no insurance and I have offered to pay for his treatment whilst he is here," she said. "I will not lose a valuable member of my team."

Jen walked off and headed to Deeks' room.

"Henrietta," Carl said, "The boy is my grandson, I am quite willing to pay for any and all medical treatment he needs, he just needs to know that he has a family around him that cares, we will insist that all his bills are taken care of and we can set up a schedule so that he isn't alone during visiting hours."

Hetty nodded, "That is good, He did make a mistake in allowing himself to get too involved in this case; however I am pleased that in doing so he managed to unmask Frieda's behavior and close the case, and he found his family. I am sorry Carl, If I had known of your connection to Mr. Deeks earlier, I would have informed both him and you of your relationship." She admitted.

Jen walked back, "Which room is Marty in?" she asked again.

"213 why?" Kensi replied.

"He's not there." Jen said biting her bottom lip in worry.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Over three months had passed.

Sarah had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, whom she had named Allison Christine Johansen. She had the blonde hair and blue eyes that were obviously a family trait.

Allie was a bright baby and she spent a lot of time with Jen and Jeff as well as spending time with her grandfather.

Jeff had moved in with Jen, providing her with some kind of normal family life and she was continuing to live as normally as possible, although she took Monty for a walk every evening near where homeless people hung out hoping Monty would scent him and find him. Jeff followed at a safe distance, not really wanting her to stop, but insisting on keeping her safe.

Frieda Johansen had been sentence to life for the murder of her son and the trafficking of her daughter to Brandel and for good measure the District attorneys had added the assault of a federal agent on top. Shrieking at the top of her lungs she had been hauled away to her cell with her lawyer filing an appeal to have her retried under diminished responsibility.

Hetty and the team had been in court to see her get sentenced, not just because they felt that they owed it to Deeks, but because they had hoped he might show up. Hetty thought she had seen him in the shadows outside the courtroom, but by the time Callen and Kensi had gone to where she had indicated there was no sign of him.

The team had refused to replace Deeks despite Vance insisting that they hire another liaison; they took on a series of temps who were informed as soon as they arrived that they would be no substitute for what they had lost, most quit within a week or two.

The team was snappy; although they were focused as usual and they worked just as hard, it seemed like the soul of the team, the laughter was missing.

Eric and Nell had a facial recognition program running on his computer; every camera in L.A. was tuned to look for Deeks.

But to date there had been no sign of him.

* * *

Deeks woke up, moving his position as his shoulder was, as usual, throbbing.

He sat up, moving the woman who was in the bed beside him and grabbed some painkillers off the nightstand and washed them down.

The woman woke up and looked at him.

"Hey," she said with a smile.

Deeks looked at her, "Get out." He snarled.

The woman stood up and grabbed her clothes, Throwing a handful of bills at him she got dressed and as she reached the door she turned to him, "I'll be at the bar again tonight, if you want Max, you were worth every penny."

Deeks threw his pillow at her, winced as his arm twinged and as she shut the door he got up stumbled to the bathroom and vomited.

Flopping back into the bed he threw his face into the pillow and let out a sob.

Just one…only one, it was all he allowed himself. He deserved this life, he had ruined his own life by trying to help, he knew better now.

Deeks was gone, Max was all that was left and Max didn't help anyone but himself.

* * *

Looking in the mirror Deeks had to remind himself that he was Max now, this was the first time that he had voluntarily become Max, Max didn't get hurt, Max didn't hurt others….Max was a safe place for him to be, a safe person for him to be.

He hadn't set foot in L.A since the day he had walked? Limped out of the hospital, he had lost everything, he couldn't work with the team anymore, and why would they have wanted him. He was a screw up, Sam was right. He wasn't the right man for the job; he had just needed to get away.

The last time he had gone back to LA he had gone to Frieda's sentencing, just to make sure that Jen and Sarah and the baby were safe from her. He had sat so close to Kensi in the courtroom he had been able to smell her perfume, he had nearly crumbled, twice he had stretched out his hand to touch her, but he hadn't wanted to contaminate her. He had afterwards, while waiting for his ride, spotted Hetty looking at him. But his taxi had turned up and he had managed to get away before anyone got too close.

He had gone back to Vegas, a great place to disappear, if you knew how.

He worked nights in a male strip club, drank copious amounts of alcohol during the early morning and for a bit extra slept with the women who hired him out after his shift.

He was pulling in about $500 a day and spending half before the evening, the rest went into a box on the mantel of his no star motel room.

Finally he had enough, there was $1500 in the box, and he sealed it and sent it to Hetty, $500 was for his one night stay and medical care she'd paid for him and the rest he said was to be shared equally between Sarah, Jen and Jeff. He added his apologies and said he was well and that he would send more if needed, he would however send what he could to her for Jen and Sarah on a monthly basis.

Not even thinking, (Well he was still drunk) he shoved the box in the mailbox and walked away.

* * *

Hetty walked into her office, it was 05.20 she knew she was there before everyone, even Eric for once, she looked at the pile of mail awaiting pick up for distribution, she knew it had all been checked, X-rayed and irradiated, the latter being introduced in all NCIS mail depots since a case of the pneumonic plague in D.C.

A battered box with her name on it caught her eye. It was taped more than once and the writing was sloppy, but she recognized it right away. Looking at the box in her hands she picked up her phone, "Miss Jones….Could you possibly head in early, I have a project for you." She said.

Reading the letter that accompanied the box she sighed, "Oh…Mr. Deeks…where are you?"

* * *

In Vegas, two days later, Deeks took another handful of pills, with the now usual snort of cocaine, that Andy another male stripper had 'insisted' he try to loosen him up for the job, He wasn't an addict, just a little bit every day for the pain, and just one little bit couldn't hurt right?

He looked at himself in the mirror, wiped the excess powder off his nose, bronzed up his chest and put on his outfit, working his way through a great big…(tiny weenie, if you asked him) glass of whiskey he got up and staggered to his door.

Walking into the club, he was so high that all the faces were a blur, but he didn't care, if he couldn't look at them, he didn't have the think about what he was doing.

Sitting in a booth at the back, Callen, Kensi and Sam looked on stunned as Deeks walked in.

He was pale and thinner than he had been when they last saw him, and the bags under his eyes were pronounced, he didn't even notice them as he walked by.

* * *

"MAX…..BABY!" a high pitched shrill came from the back of the room as a fifty something dark haired man staggered over to him. he draped his arms around his neck.

"Evening, Charlie…" Deeks pulled back as he tried to kiss him, "You got money?" He asked.

She handed him $50. "That's your tip, I paid for you all night…" he leered at him openly.

"Then I will dance just for you…You got stuff or will I bring some?"

"Max, Max, Max…you know how I like you high, I have some primo stuff, scored this morning" he drawled and opened his jacket to show him.

He reached in with a penknife and took a taster, "Nice…" he slurred, "You get a nice seat now" he smiled and went off.

The three of them watched open mouthed and Kensi looked like she was going to be sick.

Callen followed Deeks as he walked in the back of the club.

* * *

"Jake….You son of a bitch!" Deeks snapped as he saw the manager. "You set me up with Charlie!" he was as mad as hell. "I don't do men!" he snapped.

"You will do who I say he paid a thousand bucks for you, you telling me you don't need the money, your habit ain't cheap."

Callen watched silently.

"Pass him off to Andy, he's Andy's type." Deeks pleaded.

"Listen, you want the work or do you wanna go back to the streets where I found you." Jake snapped.

"Please…." Deeks begged.

"Get ya ass on stage, you're a whore Max, plain and simple and lets face it, Male or female it ain't no skin off my nose." Jake laughed,

"No!" Deeks said.

"No?" Jake looked and then laughed again, "Do you remember what you told me, do you want them to find out where you are, I can call that Hetty woman you talked about…what do you think she would do if she knew how far you had fallen." He said threateningly having backed Deeks up into a corner and smirking as Deeks had cowered away from him. Jake stopped his tirade as a hand landed on his shoulder.

"She would be there to help him and would send his team to bring him home." A really pissed off Callen answered, pulling Jake away from Deeks and sending him tumbling away.

Deeks looked up not entirely sure who had helped him.

Callen put his hand on Deeks arm to help him up.

"No…get off me!" Deeks begged.

"Time to come home Deeks, Your family needs you."

"C…Callen?" Deeks asked and then he passed out.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Smells came back to him first and it was disorientating, where he was, smelled clean, there were no smells of alcohol or urine or vomit which had been the usual smells he woke up to in the morning and feeling around no body, male or female in his bed, so where ever he was, he was probably broke.

He felt cold and achy. In his head, a deepest part that he had locked in a box told him it was withdrawal, he sniffed and wiped his nose on the back of his hand, his eyes still closed, "Stupid flu." He grumbled under his breath.

He slowly opened his eyes and realized, he wasn't in his room, or anyone else's…he was in hospital.

"What the hell?" he snarled.

"Quite Mr. Deeks." Hetty said sitting on a chair in the corner of the room.

"Got the wrong man lady." Deeks snarled. 'Shit, shit, shit….she found me!' he thought his brain scrambling like a teenager looking for his clothes after being caught by his girlfriend's dad.

"Ok…So who are you?" Hetty asked; she knew it was him although he said it wasn't. "Max Gentry? But not I think….Mr. Deeks you are hiding behind him this time."

"I….Why are you here?" he asked defeated, he knew he couldn't pretend not with her.

"You need us." She said simply.

* * *

"No I don't I'm doing fine, you just came to gloat, to see how far your little project failed…well you got your answer….G…G..Get out!" he stammered as a wave of pain shot through him.

Ignoring her he sat up and tried to pull out the IV, "I…I need to get out of here." He started shaking… "I….I need…."

"A drink?" Callen snapped leaning against the doorway and motioning to Hetty that he'd take over. "A hit, a guy, a girl…tell me Deeks; what exactly do you need."

"I need you to leave me alone!" Deeks shouted at him and then grabbed his head and groaned, "I didn't ask you to come find me…I was doing fine."

"Fine…You call that fine, Deeks you're a stripper and a hooker, you're a drunk and on drugs and you're…."

"EXACTLY WHERE I SHOULD BE…..NOW GO!" Deeks screamed at Callen.

"No." Callen said quietly, "Because I'm exactly where I should be…here helping you."

Deeks started sobbing, all the pain of the last few months washing over him.

"Why, I'm no good for the team, I can't even hold a gun…hell I can't hold a cell phone in that hand, I'm useless, Hetty said herself I'm not on the team."

"Bullcrap." Callen snapped.

"I HEARD HER!" Deeks shouted and this time a nurse entered.

"Mr. Gentry, you need to calm down, I have your medication here," she said walking over to him with a needle.

"No! No needles."

"You can't snort your meds Deeks." Callen said.

"I'm sorry Sir; you are upsetting my patient I will have to ask you to leave." The nurse said.

"Sorry love," Callen flashed his badge, "He's in custody."

"Bollocks!" Deeks spat as Callen smirked.

He turned away, "I'm not worth the paperwork, Just go home Callen and take Hetty with ya."

The nurse turned to Callen, "Mr. Gentry's doctor will be along shortly. Does he have family that needs to be notified?" she asked.

"Yes."

"NO!" both men answered simultaneously.

Callen glared at Deeks, "His name is Marty Deeks, and I will give you his details so you can get his medical records." Callen said following the nurse out.

* * *

Deeks waited, and no one came.

Good, He thought and slowly swung his legs off the bed and sat up.

His head swam and he steadied himself wincing at the pain that shot through his shoulder.

He wasn't doing this; he wasn't ready to face them and them all telling him that Frieda had ultimately been right. He had been no good like his father. He knew when he took the job at Jake's that that was as low as he could get, but after meeting Andy in the bar and Andy getting him hooked on cocaine and drinking more than he really should have, he knew something in him was broken and he didn't want to fix it. He didn't want to be responsible anymore he just wanted it to all go away.

He had met his grandfather. That was huge a side of his family that wasn't Brandel's but Frieda's warning had been in his head the whole time.

Just before it had all kicked off, just before he had lost everything she had said to him, "You will destroy everything, you will hurt people Marty, not because you want to, but because that's who you are, you can't fight genetics." She had looked at him then, sadly. The only time his grandmother had ever looked at him with anything other than hate.

He had tried to shake off her words, but then she had been arrested and He had caused his grandfather to fall out of a tree and he had seen the pain in Sarah's eyes as she caught him, he knew he had hurt the baby and she didn't want to tell him. The baby was probably dead because of him.

He had cared for them, he had cared for the team and his sister, his foster father and his new family and all had been hurt at different times because of him.

He made his mind up he was not going back, he would leave and carry on, he knew because of how fast they had dropped him when he was hurt that they didn't need him.

Everyone would be better off without him.

That was it his mind was set and he stood up taking a few unsteady steps.

He opened the door and started off down the hall.

* * *

Callen watched him go; he opened his mouth to call out to him and was stopped as Hetty put her hand on his arm.

"Mr. Deeks needs to fight his own demons…But maybe you could follow, and watch out for him, Find out where he has been staying and let me know, I feel an intervention is in order, but maybe on his own ground." She said and stood sadly as Callen followed a staggering Deeks out of the building and Hetty turned to a nurse.

"May I use your phone please?" She asked.

Jeff was trying to get Monty in the house as the phone rang, Cursing as he tripped over a shoe Monty had left in the middle of the room he went to pick up the phone.

"Deeks." He said.

He listened as Hetty filled him in on his son's condition.

"And you let him go?" Jeff asked amazed.

He waited as Hetty replied, "I will pick up Jen, Sarah and Carl and we can be there in about four hours." He said and hung up.

* * *

Callen followed Deeks, keeping his distance; he was amazed that after all the training he had had that he couldn't spot the tail. He watched as Deeks went down an alley to a seedy backstreet motel.

Deeks walked inside and the guy on the desk looked up.

"Boss has been looking for you." He said.

"And?" Deeks asked.

"You have clients later, he said take an hour, you have Charlie first….Max, and you owe rent!" he called as Deeks flipped him off and climbed the stairs.

Keeping to the shadows Callen left the motel and called Sam who relayed the call to Kensi and they met up outside Deeks' motel.

"He's been staying here?" Kensi asked surprised.

Sam looked at the place; he hadn't ever thought anyone would voluntarily check into a place like this.

"It's a dump!" he exclaimed.

Callen shrugged, he himself had lived in places a lot worse.

They walked inside and up to the reception desk. A greasy, overweight and balding man sat, smoking a roll-up cigarette ignoring the no smoking sign on his desk.

"Max Gentry." Callen said asking for Deeks' alias.

"Client?" the man asked.

"Is he a detective?" Kensi asked.

The man laughed, "Gentry a cop! Na, he's a hooker love, you booked in with Jake for a bit of time with Max, he's Jake's best you know?"

"EW! No!" Kensi replied, "Friends." She said and the greasy guy laughed.

"Max doesn't have friends, so your either selling him drugs, in which case he's got money and he owes me rent or you're here for sex in which case he'll have money and he owes me rent, either way you tell him, he's late this time and I'm taking it out of his kneecaps." The guy growled, "If you're selling, you have ten minutes; I know the Boss booked him some clients later." He laughed…. "Or are you guys like bible bashers…" He fell about laughing; "Coz that boy ain't got no soul!" he fell about laughing, but stopped as Sam dropped his badge on the table.

"Federal Agents….now what room?" He growled.

"2A, Up the stairs and out the back, Boss likes him to have privacy for his clients."

Walking through the building the walls shook at the sound of the music from Jakes' club which was next door. Kensi cringed as a rat ran down the hallway.

"Eww, he's been here all this time?" Kensi said stunned.

They reached the door, the paint had peeled so long ago you couldn't even tell what color it had been.

Callen knocked on the door.

"I said an hour, I ain't seeing anyone till then…I don't care how much Charlie's paying to fuck me, I need some time!" Deeks yelled from behind the door.

"OPEN THE DOOR DEEKS!" Sam bellowed.

Suddenly all sound from behind the door ceased.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Sam looked at Callen and Callen nodded, knelt down and started picking the lock as the sounds of things being thrown around started inside.

Deeks had a spoon and was trying to pry the bars off the window with it.

Callen, Sam and Kensi burst into the room and stood watching, "Deeks?" Callen said with smirk, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Digging the bars off the window and getting away from the monsters at the door." He slurred. "Now grab a spoon and help me before they get in!" he insisted.

Kensi looked confused, although, knowing Deeks wasn't in any danger, stepped back for a moment and looked around the room.

There was a line and a half of Coke on the foil on the table and half a bottle of scotch sat next to it. Old, dirty plates were in the sink, the bed was rumpled and used condom wrappers were in and around the trash can.

Deeks looked wild-eyed at them, "Hurry. They are gonna find me." He insisted again.

"Who, Deeks, Who's looking for you." Sam asked sitting on the corner of the bed.

"Can't say she said she'd hurt them, can't go home, too dangerous…here's safe." He said Callen put his hand on his shoulder; Deeks shook him off and moved back to the window. "No, have to go you don't understand, she has people watching me…found me…hospital not safe,"

"Deeks sit down; do you know who I am?" Callen said gently.

Deeks cocked his head and gave him an 'I'm not mad' look.

"Callen…you need to leave….please…." Deeks begged.

* * *

The door banged and Deeks looked scared, "He can't see you…you can't be here!" he gasped. He moved a modesty screen that covered the kitchenette area from the rest of the room… "Please!" he begged.

They nodded and moved behind the screen.

Deeks opened the door, "A…Andy….I…." He was cut off as a smack was heard and Deeks fell on the floor.

"Do you think she didn't know, they found you, Jake's made arrangements for you to be moved, and  **she**  has two men watching your family." He showed a picture of Sarah and Carl both with their back to the camera looking at something and Jen and Jeff inside Deeks' house playing with Monty...The last photo was of Kensi on a run her hair in mid-swing as she jogged along the sidewalk.

He traced a finger down the picture of Kensi.

"You know you can't get away, you tried that when you ran the first time, now Max, did you take your medicine like a good little boy?" Andy asked sarcastically and checked the table, "Come on Max there's a line left, can't have you kicking the habit now can we, we need you nice and compliant when Jake brings Charlie round, Charlie's gonna help get ya settled into your new gig,  **She**  doesn't think you've been punished enough, you have a new job coming…"

Deeks struggled in his grip, "I won't do it,"

Andy played with the picture of Kensi, "That Kensi is pretty…for now, I can mess her up good!" he drawled.

Behind the screen Kensi balled her fists and Callen laid a hand on her shoulder, there was more going on here than Deeks just hitting rock bottom and before they made a move he needed more information.

Andy grabbed Deeks by his collar and pushed him up against the wall, "You know  **what**  you are Max…you are where you belong, if you don't want them hurt you'll behave…now you pretty yourself up for Charlie, and don't forget to pack, we are moving you tonight…you're going to live with Charlie…he needs a new pet."

Andy laughed as he walked out the door, Deeks slid down the wall sobbing, forgetting the others were there.

* * *

Callen, Sam and Kensi looked at each other, stunned at what they had heard. Callen opened his phone and called Hetty, Kensi and Sam walked over to Deeks.

"Marty….Hey, Marty…it's ok, we can help you, you just have to come with us." Kensi said.

Deeks slumped to the floor, his knees up to his chest and his face in his hands.

"C…Can't…" he sobbed, "N…Not safe."

"Marty, come with us it'll be fine, no one is going to judge you all we want to do is help you." She said softly.

Deeks shook his head to clear his mind, as fuzzy as it was it was registering her touch, "Kenz?"

"Come on Shaggy, we need to help you get better." She smiled.

"No, I can't if I get better she'll find out and you'll be hurt, you and Jen…Can't take the chance…not worth it…" he closed his eyes as a wave of dizziness passed over him.

"Who…Deeks, who will hurt Kensi and Jen?" Sam asked.

"Frieda…she's been watching me, she made me leave…had picture of Jen through a scope and Kenz too!" Deeks sighed, "Can't fight anymore, too tired, lemme die Sam," Deeks crawled towards the coke line on the table, "Just a bit more, it'll be all over…everyone'll be safe." He said tears falling unchecked.

Sam lifted Deeks back and held him in a bear hug, "Not gonna happen pal, I got your back."

* * *

Callen walked back in the room, "It's sorted, Hetty has a room for Deeks in a private hospital, and we just have to get him outta here."

"Can't…Jake's sold me to Charlie…gotta stay, gotta do as I'm told, Can't put em in danger, gotta save my family, gotta save Grandpa…she's gonna get em if I don't." Deeks sobbed. "I love Kensi; Sam. Jen and Sarah….Grandpa loves me…he's the only one who ever did…he knows about Brandel and he loves me, can't be a screw up, can't let em down." Deeks had no idea that anyone was really there, he saw faces, faces of people he cared about but he knew they couldn't really be there, but this hallucination had Sam comforting him, no one ever comforted him and he liked it, so this time…till he came down from his high and found out he was alone again he relished in the comfort.

Callen's phone rang, "Paramedics are here, you wanna go with him?" He asked Kensi.

Deeks gripped Sam's arm, "Don't leave me Sam, and don't let Charlie take me….lemme die first, pleeeaaassseeee!" he wailed.

Sam looked at Callen, "I'm staying with him." He said.

The other two looked at each other; there was no argument with Sam when he was in this mood.

Callen opened the door and two men walked in.

The first paramedic knelt down, "Mr. Deeks?" he asked

"No…no. no. no. not Deeks, Deeks not safe….SAM! SAM!" Deeks screamed.

"High on coke, I'm staying with him." Sam said helping the paramedics tie Deeks to the gurney.

Callen grabbed Sam as Kensi walked along with Deeks and the Paramedics to the ambulance.

* * *

"Sam, I'm gonna take the long way with Kensi." He said earning a confused look from his partner.

"When you get there, make sure they run a rape kit on Deeks….Kensi does not need to know about this…" Callen left the implication hanging in the air, but Sam caught it.

"I've got his back. G, Don't worry."

"OK he's booked in at the Las Vegas Recovery Center, Hetty and Deeks' family will be there about the same time you are, Keep that bit quiet, for Deeks." Callen requested.

Callen watched them go and told Kensi to meet him in the car.

He sat back in the room Deeks had occupied. Not even his worst placements had been this bad. He sat on the armchair and turned it so it faced the door and sat with his gun in his lap.

He looked at his watch and smiled, "Come on Charlie." He grinned.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Callen sat, not moving for what turned out to be an hour before the door opened and Jake and Charlie walked into the darkened room.

"He should be out cold by now; we slipped a little extra in his coke." Jake's deep drawl cut across the darkness.

"Oh please, Jake, if he's asleep…he's compliant, let me have an hour with him, you know how I like it when he's like this." Charlie begged.

"Shit, the light bulb has blown and he's not in his bed," Jake snarled having flicked the switch for the light to come on and nothing was working.

"Maxie boy, Charlie's here!" Charlie called softly sniggering.

Both men stopped at the sound of a click.

"Max…ya ain't doing nothing stupid are ya, you know what she will do if you don't do as she said." Jake said his voice wavering.

"Deeks isn't here." Callen's voice cut quietly across the room and both men froze.

* * *

"Who the hell are you?" Jake snarled.

"His friend," Callen said.

Charlie laughed, "Max ain't got no friends, you trying to keep him for yourself."

Callen moved and both men instinctively turned towards the sound not being able to see in the darkness.

"You can't shoot us boy, ya can't see its dark in here."

Callen let out a guttural laugh that chilled both men to the bones, "I'm not a boy…and it ain't too dark for me."

"W….What are you?" Charlie's voice shook with fear.

"I'm retribution. I'm here to give you a message for that bitch you call a boss." Callen moved swift silent and deadly and Charlie heard Jake drop to the ground. "I…Is he dead?"

Callen laughed, "No…you think I would let you off that easy…."

Charlie stood shaking he couldn't see, but whoever/whatever this was could. Callen put his hand on Charlie's shoulder and he screamed.

* * *

Down in the lobby the man on reception laughed, Gentry was getting his paycheck taken out of his ass again.

Half an hour later Callen walked downstairs and up to reception, he dropped a fifty on the desk. "You never saw me, wait five minutes then call the paramedics.

"You give Gentry what for, I don't care…"The man's rants were cut off by Callen grabbing the back of his head and smashing him face first into the desk.

"Gentry's checking out." Callen snarled.

The man whimpered and nodded Callen pocketed his fifty and walked out.

Kensi sat in the Car, sleeping against the window; she awoke as Callen climbed in.

"You ok?" She asked,

Callen smiled, "Yep, I don't think Frieda will be a problem for Deeks anymore. I 'talked' to Jake and Charlie who passed a message on for me to anyone else she tries to send."

Kensi nodded. "Helpful of them," She said, she had noticed the flecks of blood on Callen's shirt but she also knew better than to mention anything.

* * *

Sam sat outside Deeks' room as Doctors and nurses ran in and out. A Doctor walked up to him, "Are you with Mr….Deeks?" he asked checking the name is on the chart.

Sam nodded, "Is everything ok?"

"He coded as he came in, we have stabilized him for now, he is awake but he is extremely combative, we have had to put him in restraints, he's tried to stab himself twice, he isn't a danger to the staff but he has been a major danger to himself." The doctor said. "What happened to him?"

"It's classified…" Sam snapped and then relented a bit, "He's been on an undercover mission that went wrong, he needs to have a rape kit run, but only I need the results. He's been booked into the Las Vegas recovery center as soon as he's safe to travel."

"We ran a kit; there is evidence of assault, but no major damage so he should heal in time. His drug use will as you already know take longer to heal. I would also suggest some kind of trauma counseling for him." The doctor looked over towards the doors.

* * *

A nurse stuck her head out, " , we need you in here he's fighting the medication again."

The doctor turned to Sam, "Are you close, I think he could use a friend."

Sam nodded and followed him.

Deeks was tied to the bed by restraints, "Please, let me go, you can't treat me, I'm not gonna let you! Let me go!" he thrashed about on the bed but stopped suddenly as Sam came in.

"Sam…? Sam….tell them to let me go…They don't know, it's not safe…Sam, please…tell them…SAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!" Deeks screamed as a wave of pain overtook him.

Sam swallowed and turned, he couldn't believe that Deeks had been reduced to this, but he was his team member and he wouldn't let him down. He walked out hearing Deeks screaming his name all the way down the hall. Dr. Johnson followed him down the hall.

"I'm sorry; I know it's a lot to take." He said.

Sam turned to him, his face a stony mask, "I am not leaving him here, I need to make a call, can I do that in there, or do you have a phone we can use I will make my call first and then another one." Sam said.

Dr. Johnson nodded, "I'll have a phone brought in the room,"

Sam placed a call to Callen and one to Hetty and then walked back to the room.

* * *

Deeks was pulling on the restraints trying to curl into a ball to ride out the pain, "Please….Just one….this is a hospital, ya gotta have something…" Deeks was begging the nurse who sat in his room as Sam walked in.

Sam grabbed the phone and started dialing.

"Hetty, it's me." Sam said,

"No, no, no, Sam….Don't tell her, she'll tell the others, Sam, No! It's not safe!"

"Mr. Deeks." Hetty voice came over the speaker Sam had pressed on the phone.

"H…Hetty….I….." Deeks' voice failed

"Mr. Deeks, I am calling to inform you that it is over." She said.

Deeks nodded sadly, He knew it was there was no way he would be able to go back to law enforcement after this, "You still have my badge Hetty, why are you calling to rub it in…I mean I know I deserve it, I failed you….I'm sorry."

"No, Mr. Deeks, you have the wrong idea, Mr. Callen has dealt with Jake and Charlie, Mr. Callen is well." She added knowing he would worry.

"No…Hetty, if they don't call in….OH MY GOD…What has he done?" Deeks struggled at his restraints.

"Frieda Johansen is not an issue anymore, she has been moved to solitary in her jail; however I have handpicked her guards so she cannot threaten you anymore."

Deeks sagged and tears started to fall, "They are safe? It's really over?" he asked hardly beginning to believe it.

"You will be transferred to the Las Vegas addiction recovery center, your bill is paid and you will do as you are told, I want you to heal Mr. Deeks and some people want to see you." Hetty said and the call finished.

* * *

Deeks looked at Sam, "They are all safe?" he asked again.

Sam looked up as Deeks asked the question, "See for yourself." He smiled as the doors opened and Carl, Jen, Jeff, Sarah and the new baby all came in.

"Marty!" they said smiling.

Deeks looked shocked.

"You can have five minutes." Dr. Johnson said, having listened in he realized that this would be more beneficial for his patient than anything else he could prescribe.

Jen hugged him, even though he tensed a bit, Sam looked over at the nurse who uncuffed the restraints and helped him to sit up.

"We've missed ya kid." Jeff said ruffling his son's hair.

"Missed ya too." Deeks said his voice scratchy.

"I hear you've been down a rough road kid, mostly due to that ex of mine, I don't hold any of it against you, I am so happy you're safe, now you heal and do what Hetty told ya to do." Carl said hugging his grandson.

"I will grandpa." Deeks sniffed.

Sarah walked up to him, "I want you to meet your cousin, Allison Christine Johansen."

Deeks looked one finger gently stroking the baby, "She looks like Fern…" He said absentmindedly, he stared off as another wave of pain rolled over him and he moved himself away from the baby.

Sarah smiling took a step to the side, not away but enough so Deeks relaxed.

"Mr. Deeks….It's time for you to go, you will see your family in a month." The doctor said.

Sam clasped him on the shoulder. "It's ok, we will all be here."

Deeks had looked around but the one face he had really wanted to see wasn't there. He let his shoulders droop and nodded as he got helped into a wheelchair.

"I'm taking you to the center." Sam said

"Ok…" Deeks sighed.

They walked down the halls Sam pushing Deeks and Deeks slowly withdrawing into himself readying himself for what was to come.

"WAIT!" Sam stopped as the call came down the hall, Callen and Kensi had arrived.

Kensi broke off and ran towards Deeks; she dropped to her knees in front of the wheelchair putting both hands on the armrests.

"You get better Deeks, you hear me….you come back to me, I will see you in a month," She hugged him, "I need you partner, get well." She kissed his cheek and he gave a small grin as Sam wheeled him towards the exit.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Deeks leaned back and looked at the group around him. A few of them had been sent by the court system, one he thought could have been a celebrity but the one thing the group of people screamed was money, all of them being rich. The rehabilitation center was for the rich and famous and Deeks sitting there in an old LAPD t-shirt and sweat pants felt like he stood out.

"So…Kym…Did you want to start today's group session?" The doctor asked, he was an older man, balding in a well worn cardigan and jeans, with a 'Call me Bryan' badge attached.

Kym, a flouncy blonde sat in her seat and smiled sweetly as she started to talk about how being famous was such a strain and she had just fallen in with 'a bad' crowd, how it was so hard to be perfect.

Deeks rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the window, tuning her out.

* * *

The rest of the session was in much the same vein.

"Marty?" Bryan said as the group turned to him.

"What?" Deeks snapped, he was bored and the meds were starting to wear off.

"You want to share with the group?"

"Yeah, I decided life sucked coz my surf board was too slippy and the water too wet and the sun was too hot." He snapped. "Look not all of us live in 'happy bubble unicorn land!'" he sniped.

"Marty, I know we are not all here under the same circumstances, but you can still share with the group, no one here will judge you." Bryan said.

Deeks stood up and looked at them all expectantly, hoping he would finally join in the discussions, for three weeks he had sat at the edge during group therapy and not volunteered to say anything.

"Bite me!" he snapped.

"Marty, please sit back down." Bryan said, his voice still calm he got up and followed Deeks to the window, "No one here will judge you, but you need to open to group before we can allow any visitors."

"Why?" Deeks snapped, "So they can see how wonderful their lives really are in comparison to the 'shit-fest' that is mine!"

Lacey walked up and laid a comforting hand on Deeks' arm, "Marty your life isn't that bad, life is precious."

"Back off Lacey, you grew up in a house with a chauffeur, two loving parents and a dog….Mine….I was…my…."Deeks collapsed in the chair, "My mother was kidnapped when she was a kid, my father was her kidnapper….and rapist….I shot him when I was eleven, he had just m…murdered my mother, I was covered in her brains…"

Lacey and Kym gasped and the two men in the group looked shocked.

"SEE THAT'S WHY I DON'T TALK!" Deeks yelled and walked to the corner of the room, he sank down the walls hugging his knees not looking at anyone.

Bryan dismissed the group and squatted down next to Deeks who had his head buried in his knees and by the looks of his shoulders he was sobbing.

"Marty, did you ever receive any counseling for what you went through as a child."

Deeks looked up confused, "No, why would I, for me it was normal…I think Jeff took me to see a lady once, but I didn't like her and we never went back."

"Let's get you your meds," Bryan said.

He walked Deeks back to his room and gave him his meds, "you can rest this afternoon." Not paying attention Deeks curled up on his bed waiting for the meds to kick in.

* * *

Bryan sat in his office he took Deeks' file out of the drawer and sat down to go through it again.

He knew that the man was an LAPD detective and that he was friends with Sylvia Grey who was a major benefactor of the institution. He also knew he had come off a sensitive undercover operation, where he had become addicted to cocaine and had been abused, but this revelation about his childhood was knew to him, and the more Bryan read through the file he had been sent the angrier he got, there was so much missing! How on earth was he supposed to help this man if he didn't have access to his full file?

He picked up the phone and made a call to his secretary. "Madeline, do you have the number for Sylvia Grey, I think I need to talk to her."

* * *

Hetty sat in her office watching the team carefully, Deeks had been in rehab nearly three weeks, he had been allowed phone contact for two, but he hadn't called anyone, Hetty had called the center once, Jeff and Carl called every other day, but Deeks had refused to talk to anyone. He had sent messages to let them know he was fine, but nothing more.

Hetty sat typing on her laptop as her cell phone rang. She stopped realizing that it was one of her alias' phones and picked it up.

"Sylvia Grey." She said and listened to the man on the other end.

"Oh, I am sorry to hear that, I assumed you had his full medical file," She stopped and listened.

Callen could see by her body language that something was up and started concentrating more on her than on the conversation Kensi and Sam were having.

"Is there any way you can treat Mr. Deeks without having access to that; that is sensitive information…" She sighed, "Very well I will have it couriered over to you straight away,"

Her voice softened and she sat back in her seat, "Tell me doctor, and how is he…really?"

She listened and looked sad, "If you think that would be best, yes, I can arrange it, I know you want his immediate family, however, for a long time his family was his colleagues as well and I know that they would love to see him."

She waited and let out a small smile, "Very well I will arrange it for next week then, Thank you Doctor."

She ended the call and nodded to Callen knowing that he was listening.

"Mr. Callen, it seems that I cannot have a private conversation at all in this office." She scolded gently.

Callen gave a sheepish grin, "I'm just looking out for you Hetty."

"Well Mr. Callen, you can rest assured that I am well, Mr. Deeks on the other hand is not fairing too well, and I will be sending his full file down to his doctor who seems it is needed for his recovery. He has also requested that you and your team go down next weekend to visit; I and his family will be going to see him earlier in the week. He will be a guest of the facility a little longer than anticipated, but it is hoped that his seeing you all will help in his recovery, your visit is entirely voluntary, but I would urge you all to attend." She said

Callen sat on the comfy chair in the corner of her office, "He will be ok though?" he asked, uncertainty rolling off him in waves.

"I think he will, according to his doctor, Mr. Deeks will now have the help he should have had a long time ago." Hetty replied handing Callen a cup of tea. Callen gratefully took the cup and sipped the hot liquid within, "I hope so." He said quietly, he missed having the detective on his team, Deeks brought a uniqueness that made the team complete and he himself didn't feel comfortable going on missions without him.

Hetty walked to a cupboard and opened her safe; she took a file out and enclosed it in an envelope awaiting a courier pick up.

* * *

Deeks woke up from his nap to find Bryan sitting in the corner reading from a dark colored file.

"You not got other people to harass doc?" Deeks slurred the medicine making his mouth looser than usual.

"Nope, I have cleared my schedule and only have you to, as you put it harass all day." Bryan grinned.

Deeks sighed and flopped back onto his bed.

"Really, I've done my therapy for the week; I'm taking my meds…what more do you want from me!" Deeks snarled.

"Maybe…I want you to be honest with yourself." Bryan said, "Tell me about Gordon John Brandel?" he asked waiting for the fallout.

"Guy was an asshole, hated his guts and he died." Deeks said not looking at him.

"According to this file, he was your father, a friend of your grandparents and he raped your mother, that's all a given, what did you think about him, not the man in the file, but the man you called father."

Deeks turned and curled into a ball. "I…I can't go there." Deeks sighed.

He closed his eyes on the memory, of the happy four year old that came running into his house holding the picture he had painted in pre-school.

"Daddy, Daddy, Look!" Little Marty grinned as he showed his father the picture he had painted.

Gordon lifted his son up, as he looked at the picture, he smiled and showed it to the other man in the room, "Look what my boy did!" he turned and hugged Marty, "You did good boy, I am so proud of you."

Marty smiled, showing the gap in his teeth where he had lost his first tooth.

"I love you too daddy!" he smiled.

Deeks curled up with tears streaming down his face just whispered one sentence it was quiet and Bryan only just caught it, but it was the first sentence on the road to real recovery.

"He was my daddy."

 


	15. Chapter 15

Deeks sat on the bed facing Bryan, he sipped the cup of water that the therapist had given him and cleared his throat.

"I know I'm supposed to hate him…I do hate him…but I don't too? Is that wrong…I mean…" Deeks sighed, "I know he did evil things, I know he hurt me and Jen and I know he killed my mom…but I have some good memories too, I don't mean to, but sometimes…sometimes I miss him."

Bryan sat back writing in his notebook and listening.

"I hate him for what he did, for what he said to me and did to me, for what he did to mom…but I would give anything if he stood here and told me he loved me."

"Is that all you need from your father?" Bryan asked.

"No….I…I need…I wish…" Deeks stopped "why the hell are we going here, I spent time alone with him, it didn't happen, he's dead now."

"What didn't happen?"

"He wasn't…He didn't…." Deeks sighed again, "He didn't love me and he wasn't proud of me…I'm a disappointment to him, to everyone…Him, Jeff, Hetty, Sam….mostly Sam…." Deeks murmured.

"Do you talk about your father, I read in your notes that he hurt you again recently, and you saved your sister from him. How did you feel about that?" Bryan asked.

"Great," Deeks snarled. "Jen was…is a good kid, she didn't, she doesn't need him ruining her life."

"And you do?" Bryan asked.

Deeks was silent.

"How did you feel when you saw your father killed?" Bryan asked.

"Fine." Deeks snapped.

"Marty, no one here is going to hear this conversation, but I do feel you need to tell me the truth."

"The truth…The truth is I was covered in my father's blood, the same way I was covered in my mother's when I was eleven, I remembered picking bits of my m….my mother's brain out of my hair…they thought I was sobbing because I was relieved he was dead…I wasn't he was my father and I loved him…" Deeks sobbed knowing that it was ok to do so, or at least he hoped it was.

"I was told I should be glad, it was ok now he was dead…they didn't get it…if I had turned to Kensi and said that it was ok her father was dead, or the same to Cal….ok maybe not Callen…but Sam maybe, they would have decked me."

"Why not Callen?" Bryan asked his curiosity peaked.

"Callen doesn't know who his parents are, he vaguely remembers his mom dying, but nothing else, not even his name. So, he really doesn't count in that analogy." Deeks explained.

"Oh." Bryan replied at a loss of what to say over that, "They were wrong you know?" Bryan said.

"What?" Deeks' head shot up confused.

"No matter what sort of man he was, be he kind, a hero, a drunk a child abuser, not matter what he was first and foremost… he was your father, and you were his son. No matter how it happened, the fact that he did not treat you the way a son should have been, it did not make you any less his son."

Deeks nodded looking intently out of the window.

"You have a right to grieve as a son for a father."

Deeks' tears fell then unchecked.

Bryan sat quietly, knowing that today he had made a difference in the young man's life.

* * *

Callen, Sam and Kensi rode down together, each musing their own thoughts about finally being able to see Deeks; it had been two more weeks since Callen had had the talk with Hetty. She had told them that they had put off Deeks' meeting with his family and friends due to a huge breakthrough in his treatment and that the breakthrough had been advancement, Not a setback as Callen had feared, the most Callen worried about was that Deeks would revert into himself and Max would be back, but as Hetty had told him, there had been no appearance of Max at all and hopefully he was gone for good.

Arriving at the rehabilitation center Callen stepped out of the car and stretched his back after the long ride. Sam had insisted on driving rather than flying, basically so that they could get their heads around what they were about to do.

Jeff, Jen, Hetty, Carl and Sarah were due to fly down and see Deeks in the evening, Hetty leaving instructions for Callen to let her know whether or not Deeks was going to be ok.

They walked into a light and airy reception room and walked up to the reception desk.

"Hey, we are here to see Marty Deeks, we are on the list." Callen said.

"I.D?" the woman behind the desk asked.

They pulled their badges and laid them down on the desk, "Ah, Law enforcement, I take it you have your weapons, you need to sign here and surrender your weapons into this lockbox, you can have them back when you leave." She said.

"You want our weapons?" Sam asked.

"Sir, you are walking into a building filled to the top with Addicts you want to go in armed and cause an incident?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

Agreeing with her the Agents handed their weapons over.

She locked them up and called an orderly over. "They are here to see Marty Deeks." She told him.

"Sure, he's in the garden." The large African American said, he walked down through the complex. Lacey walked up to the group walking backwards and staring at Callen.

"Hi, are you friends of Marty's?" She asked dancing around them. "I like you…" she grinned at Callen.

She ran ahead and jumped into Marty's arms giving him a huge kiss, "Marty you have friends!" she said.

Deeks lifted her off him, "Thanks lacey!" he said patting her arm and moving protectively in front of her as Kensi glowered, "You had better go in with Terry, I think it's time for your meds."

Terry guided the girl past the team, "I'll see you later hot stuff!" she smiled kissing his cheek.

Kensi sat on the bench next to him in a huff, "So I see you're having fun,"

A dark look crossed Deeks' face. "Don't judge her, she is an addict, she's just having a hard time," Deeks said.

"Looks like it." Kensi snapped.

"Look, you don't have a clue, just drop it." Deeks said. He turned away and walked to the corner of the garden where a fountain was quietly trickling.

"What is she a sex addict then?" Kensi said snappishly

"Yes! Alright, yes she is, unlike you I don't condemn her, she's trying really hard, it's just when you get your meds lowered it's hard alright." Deeks said unconsciously scratching at his arm.

He'd had his own meds lowered a few days ago and was still jumpy.

* * *

Callen put his hand on his arm to stop him and Deeks jumped.

"Sorry," Deeks mumbled.

"Its ok man, how are you doing?" Callen asked.

"I'm better…I think, Bryan says I'm doing better…" Deeks said.

"I'm sorry," Kensi said coming up to him, "I don't know what came over me…I was jealous I guess." She admitted.

Deeks gave her a lopsided grin, "You know you're the only girl for me Fern,"

Kensi gave him a sad smile and Deeks stepped back. "What?" he asked.

"Jeff told us…about Fern…" Kensi said.

"What! He had no right!" Deeks backed up. "How?!" he knew he hadn't told anyone about his baby sister, except…the few nightmares he had had as a child, Fern was his and his alone, not anyone's to share.

"You called for her, while in hospital." Kensi said.

Deeks scratched at his arm harder and harder.

Bryan walking close by noticed his patient's signs of distress and came over.

"Deeks?" He said softly. He stood behind him placing a hand on his shoulder as Deeks breathing calmed down and he slowed the scratching on his arm.

"You need your extras?" Bryan asked.

Deeks shook his head, "I'm ok right?" he asked pleading with the doctor.

Bryan smiled, "While you can still ask, your fine."

Deeks sat on the bench, "I'm sorry guys' I guess I'm a little hypersensitive today." He said, "They cut my dosage down last week. I'm still getting used to it." He admitted.

"How is he, really doc?" Sam asked.

"He's doing really well; we have talked through some issues. Some of which he needed to deal with from a long time ago, He is responding well to the treatment here and is even participating in group now."

Deeks smiled at the doctor's glowing endorsement of him.

"That's great Deeks!" Callen said enthusiastically smiling at him.

* * *

Kensi moved closer to him and put her hand on his arm and Deeks leaned into her touch, Sam and Callen noticed, smiled at each other but said nothing.

"You guys gonna be down here long?" Deeks asked, not daring to hope they would stay.

"Yeah, we have hotel rooms on the strip, Hetty's given us a month off, so we can be here if you need us." Sam said.

"But what about, Michelle and the kids?" Deeks asked amazed that Sam would even be here at all.

Sam walked up to Deeks and crouched down so he could look him in the eye, "Marty, if it weren't for you, there would be no Michelle to be with the kids. And If I have to leave them to be here to help you, then you are worth it." He said earnestly.

Deeks let a tear fall and looked away, "I….I can't…Doc….I need my extras" Deeks said as he started shaking.

"I'm sorry," Sam said to the doc and the others as an orderly came and injected Deeks with some medication and took him back to his room.

"It's ok, we had a major session this week, Marty has trouble dealing with major emotions right now, hence the allocation of extra medication as needed, his need to use was higher than normal and as such we gave him a bit more. If you wish to come back he will be fine in the morning." Bryan said as they looked over as Deeks collapsed and two orderlies supported him back to his room for the night.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Deeks woke up and groaned, the effects of the extra dosage of meds last night had taken their toll, and he walked to the bathroom and peered into the highly polished metal that functioned as a mirror.

He couldn't see himself clearly, but even in the blurry reflection he could see he looked tired and worn.

He showered and pulled on the jeans and LAPD T-shirt that he had gotten cleaned a few days before, paying special attention to how he looked he got dressed, putting on the slip on shoes that all 'inmates' in this great institution wore as, laces along with ribbons, string and belts were banned, in an effort to keep suicide attempts to the minimum.

He stopped brushing his hair as a wave of 'the shakes' took him over, following Bryan's advice he sat quietly and waited for them to pass.

Sighing when they had gotten to a point where he could manage, he left his room in search of breakfast and his medication.

* * *

Even though it was early, Callen and the team as well as Deeks' family and Hetty were already pulling up into the parking lot.

Sarah looked over and saw Deeks by the window drinking what could have been coffee and staring out into the garden, he hadn't noticed them and she took the moment to watch her nephew in an unguarded situation.

He jumped slightly as an orderly tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a paper cup with what she assumed was his medication.

He took the tablets and his whole body relaxed. He opened the door and walked through into the garden all the way up to the chain link fence at the end.

He sank down to the ground and stuck his hand through the fence and held tightly onto the grass outside of the fence.

The others saw what had captured his attention; Sarah gasped a tear rolling down her face. "He looks so lost," she said to Carl and Jeff.

The others nodded, but turned her away, "Come on we will be late." Carl said and turned her in the direction of the main entrance.

* * *

Bryan was standing at the reception desk waiting for the group to arrive.

"Good morning." He said smiling as he greeted the group.

Hetty ever the spokesperson walked up and shook his hand, "Good morning doctor…."

"Please, just call me Bryan, unless specifically stated we like to use first names."

Callen stepped forward and introduced them all.

Bryan smiled when Callen introduced himself as Callen, "Yes Marty talked about you…I have a free slot this afternoon if you would like to meet with me, your story intrigues me, I would love to help you free of charge." He offered.

Callen smiled but with an underlying hint of malice, "I'm fine Doc." He said.

Bryan nodded, "If you'd like to come to the family room?" He said motioning them in the right direction and stepping in front of them so that he could use his key card to unlock the main door.

They all took seats and waited, "I wanted to talk to you before Marty joins us. He has as you know been through our detox program, and he joined in our group therapy and single therapy sessions where a few things came to light." Bryan started as he looked at the group of people who were supporting a man who in Bryan's opinion was a remarkable young man.

They all listened.

* * *

"It came to my attention that Marty had never had counseling regarding his mothers passing and the circumstances of his early childhood." He said.

Jeff looked upset, "We tried a few times, Marty wouldn't talk or he would run away from the sessions." He told the doctor feeling slightly affronted.

Bryan nodded, "He said as much, I was not blaming you I was trying to explain, The counselors he saw all wanted him to be angry at his father, and Marty felt like there was something wrong in the fact that he did in fact love him."

"Marty loved dad?" Jen asked surprised. "He's never said."

"Jennifer, yes?" Bryan asked, Jen nodded and he continued. "He has never mentioned his feelings for your father because he was told he was wrong, he had asked if I share something with you." Bryan moved over to a huge plasma screen in the corner of the room and placed a DVD in the player.

This was a recording of a session we did a few weeks ago.

* * *

Deeks was in scruffy jeans and a sweatshirt and was curled up, barefoot in a chair as Bryan talked to him.

Slightly shaking he sniffed and started to talk.

"Ever since I can remember people would talk, not about me and my situation, but others. You know you watch the news or hear of a case that for me would hit close to home and I would have to sit there and listen, 'they should be shot…I would hang a man like that, his own child, they should let him loose with the general population and let em all have knives, people like that disgust me….' All the time doc, I hear that all the time, I don't know what to say, they are thinking about faceless people, all I see when they talk about that is my father. Not the evil man who did all those things, but my daddy, the guy who hugged me when I was small and skinned my knee, the man who liked my drawings and showed his friends, the man who tucked me in at night, the man who taught me to shoot, the man who was my hero. I'm supposed to hate him, but I still love him, I would give anything to be able to spend two minutes with him, to forgive him. But if that's how I feel about him, what does that make me." Deeks shook again and took a drink of water.

"I couldn't turn around and defend what he did, it's indefensible, but…I love him doc, I love my daddy and that's wrong. He was wrong, I'm wrong….." Deeks dissolved into sobs as Bryan sat there and waited. "They should have left me there, I wasn't worth saving…."

"So why do you think they did?" Bryan asked.

Deeks shrugged, Bryan waited.

"Maybe so they didn't think they had failed?" Deeks questioned.

"Maybe because they care about you." Bryan offered.

Deeks looked sad, "They shouldn't, they'd be better off without me. I can't help it, it's in my genetics, I will end up hurting them all, my Father and my grandmother hurt people, I will too."

"What about Jen? She has your father's DNA." Bryan poked.

"Yeah, but her mother, her mother was lovely, she looked after me when I was a child she was sweet and loving, Jen is like her."

"And you are like your mother, sweet and kind."

"No!" Deeks got off the chair and started pacing the room and scratching at his arm, "No….I have too much of him in me…."

"Marty you need to calm down." Bryan said.

Deeks paced up and down and slumped in the chair frantically scratching his arm.

* * *

"What is that Doc?" Callen asked pointing to Deeks on the TV.

Bryan stopped the DVD, "It's a coping mechanism, when he feels the need to use he scratches his arm, although he was more of a sniffer than an injector of his drug he did do both and at times feels the need to get a faster high and shoot up."

"How is he now Bryan?" Carl asked.

"He is at the stage in his therapy where he needs to meet with you, he has asked to do it with you all together, in his words, just get it over with. I need you to show him he is not being judged, and that you all care for him. I heard about yesterday's incident, if there is going to be any recriminations I need to know now, If you feel you cannot do this now would be the time for you to leave."

"When can he come home?" Jen asked.

"If this goes well we are looking at a week at a hotel nearby with some support and then in a month if he doesn't use, or have a relapse, he can go home." Bryan said. He nodded at an orderly who was standing outside "He's on his way."

* * *

Charlie found Deeks in his usual spot in the garden staring at the highway in the distance watching all the people on the outside who had real lives going along in their cars to whatever free destination they had.

"Marty, you ready? They're here for you." He said offering Deeks a hand.

Deeks grabbed the offered hand, "Nope," He said and then grinned, "I feel like I'm going to the principal's office."

Charlie laughed, "By the amount of people in there, you got a lot of support man."

Deeks stopped and pulled back, Charlie tightened his hand in a supportive grip. "Don't do it man, don't run, they are good people and they are all there because they care."

Deeks gulped and nodded.

Charlie knocked on the door and opened it half dragging Deeks inside, Charlie walked over and greeted the others turning when he realized Deeks wasn't with him.

The team noticed he seemed less relaxed than he had yesterday.

Charlie walked over and whispered to Deeks who nodded and took a few steps closer to them all.

"Jell-o!" Jen said and hugged him. "I missed you."

Deeks smiled "I missed you too espresso." He kissed the top of her head.

"It's nice to see you Mr. Deeks," Hetty said with a smile and gently patted his hand.

Jeff hugged him "Missed you sprout." He said, "You eating right?"

"Yes sir," Deeks said. "How's Monty?" he asked.

"Missing his daddy, he can't wait for you to get home."

"Marty." Carl said and held out his arms.

Deeks launched himself at the one man who meant the most to him, the one man who had a connection to his mother. "Grandpa." He gratefully accepted the man's hug and closed his eyes breathing in the older man's scent. "I let you down, I'm so sorry."

"No, you haven't done anything wrong, you have just had a hard situation to deal with son, I'm…We are so proud of you, you are doing great." Carl said.

Deeks stepped back. "You…you are?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes we are, we all are Deeks," Sam said.

Deeks took a chair and sat uncomfortably looking at them, not one of them looked at him with anything less than acceptance and love.

And quite frankly it was scaring him to death.

 


	17. Chapter 17

He sat there looking at them all smiling at him and he started messing with the sleeve on his shirt. Picking at imagined bits of lint and threads that weren't really there.

More than anything right now he just wished they weren't there…not that he didn't want to see them, he did, it was important to his recovery, to them and more importantly to him. But he was so scared that right now he would say the wrong thing and they would see how much like his father he was and be disgusted and leave him and Frieda would be right. He would be alone…

The others sat looking at each other worriedly as Deeks zoned out, he looked over towards the wall and his hand started picking at his shirt a precursor to scratching his arm.

"Marty?" Bryan said getting his patient's attention. "We've been discussing the possibility of you having a week away from the facility." He said calmly.

Deeks snapped his head round, faster than he normally would have done and looked surprised, "Really? When? Where?" he asked.

"If you're up to it, you can leave for a week tomorrow; Ms Lange has arranged accommodation for you with your family and team on the strip. You will have rules to obey and the team will help you with those." Bryan said encouraged by the hope on Deeks' face.

"Ok Doc, what are the rules?" He asked.

"First you need to get through this session, look at your team mates and talk to them, and then we will take the next step."

Deeks shot Bryan a panicked look, but he needed this, he needed to be on the other side of that fence, the only thing he really wanted to do was to drive along that road he had seen in the distance with the window down and the wind in his hair.

He looked at Callen first, Callen was the one who had found him and saved him, he knew he had a question he had to ask, it was burning through him but he was scared of the answer.

"Callen….I…Did you? ….Thanks for saving me," he said

"Did you wanna ask me something?" Callen asked looking Deeks straight in the eye.

"No…" Deeks mumbled.

"Marty, you have to be honest…Honest with yourself and your teammates, is there a question you want to ask?" Bryan asked him.

* * *

Deeks jumped up and walked back and forth by the window scratching his arm as he did during his regular sessions when things got too tough.

Finally after a few minutes of his family watching and Bryan holding up his hand every time one of them went to move, Deeks turned round and talked to all of them.

"Why?" he asked, there was anger, worry, shame and fear he held onto his arm with his hand tightly the knuckles going white, but refusing to scratch the itch he felt burning up and down his arm. "Why did you come after me, she threatened you, I left to keep you safe, I was a danger to you all and you know it, Why put yourselves and the baby in danger to rescue me?" he asked

Kensi walked over to Deeks and put her arms around him as if grounding him as the other walked over to join her.

"Deeks, you are important to us, we love you and you needed us." Kensi whispered in his ear.

"I am?" Deeks sounded amazed.

"Yes son, you are," Jeff said holding his boy.

"We are all here for you Deeks," Sam said, "What you were told was wrong; you are not a danger to anyone."

"Except criminals and people who love short hair!" Jen grinned loving the group hug thing.

Deeks laughed and everyone relaxed just that little bit more.

"So?" Carl asked as they all sat back down, "How's the food?"

Deeks shrugged, "'s Ok I guess, don't really taste it that much," He admitted.

"Mr. Deeks, I thought I would let you know that I am renting a small house for you to recuperate in just off the strip in Las Vegas, it is a modest little, 12 room place with a pool so you can exercise in." She told him.

Bryan seemed impressed at that, "Nice," he said.

"Your Grandfather and Ms Blye have asked to pick you up tomorrow, so I hope you will be ready, they will be here at 9am sharp." She told him.

"Is Dave coming too?" Deeks asked the others looked baffled until Dave the 6ft African American support worker came into the room. Hetty of course knew all about him and had made suitable arrangements but the others looked at the man with distrust until they watched as he walked over to Deeks ignoring the others and knelt in his eye line to talk to him.

Deeks' whole body language changed, although he was still somewhat guarded with his family and team, with Dave there was none of that. Deeks smiled with relief, "I thought you weren't coming," He said quietly only Callen, Kensi and Hetty caught it.

Dave smiled and put his hand on Deeks' shoulder, "I have always been here when you needed me, that's my job and sometimes, well, sometimes dude you just need me not to be here."

He turned to the others, "Hi, my names Dave Schrader, I'm Marty's support worker. It basically means I'm his security blanket, his words not mine." He smiled.

The others warmed to the man quickly.

After talking with the others for a while, about things like the latest surfing reports that Eric had sent, baby Allie and the rest of the world it was soon time for Deeks to have his meds and rest for the next day.

* * *

Deeks woke up early with a sense of anticipation that he hadn't felt in a long time, he got up, washed and dressed grabbed a clean towel from the dresser and placed it with his wash bag next to the bag he was ready to pack he laid his neatly folded clothes out and sat in the chair waiting for Dave.

"Morning Sunshine!" Dave said with a smile as he gave his customary on knock and entered, although Dave had access to the room 24 hours a day he always knocked first something that Deeks appreciated.

"Morning Dave." Deeks said with a small smile.

Dave walked over to the bed and looked at the clothes, "Ok then ready for inspection?" he asked. He looked through the clothes, checking there was nothing contraband in them although he already knew there would not be. "Oh my God girlfriend! That T-Shirt with those pants!" He stood back in mock horror.

Deeks dissolved into laughter, looking at Dave's smirk. "So can I pack now?" He laughed.

"Sure Marty, you can pack, besides, we gotta hurry, they'll be here soon," Dave said.

Deeks got up and within a few minutes he was packed and he and Dave, bags in hand headed out to the reception area to wait for pick up.

"You got my meds?" Deeks asked worried as he waited.

"I have everything you need; they are in a lock box, so no trying anything." Dave said although he was smiling the intention was clear, if Deeks messed up too bad, Dave could haul his ass back here and they'd have to start all over again.

Deeks perked up as Kensi drove into the parking lot with a shaky looking Carl in the passenger seat. "Hang on a second." Deeks said to Dave as he walked to the vending machine in reception, he put in his two dollar allowance and got a chocolate bar. Holding it in his hand he walked back to Dave with a smile on his face.

"Trust me I just saw Kensi drive, this is essential." He said.

"For you?" Dave asked.

"Nope, Kensi fuel." He grinned.

"Marty!" Carl grinned as Deeks walked over and hugged his grandpa.

"Hi grandpa, hi Fern." Deeks said.

"Hey Deeks, Hi Dave," Kensi said, "Is that?" she stopped as she saw the chocolate bar in his hand.

Deeks nodded and held it out to her. "One of us should have what we crave, yours is the lesser of the two evils." Deeks joked.

Kensi took a bite, "Oh…God, that's good." She sighed. "Hetty's banned all junk food from the house." She told him, "Don't worry, I'm sure we can sneak out and get you some." Deeks told her grabbing his bag and walking towards the door, "Come on let's blow this joint." He grinned and with a nod from Dave the nurse on reception hit a hidden button and the door unlocked.

Deeks took three steps outside flung his arms up in the air, dropping his bag on the ground and spun around, "I'm free!" he yelled.

The other three couldn't resist smiling as they followed him to the car.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Getting out of the car, both Dave and Deeks stared at the huge mansion in awe.

"W…We're staying here? Is this a hotel?" Deeks asked, worried there would be lots of strangers.

Kensi shook her head, "Nope, Hetty rented it for two months for us,"

Deeks stepped back; getting him a room in a seedy motel was one thing, but this…he didn't deserve this…

Dave moved behind him, "It's ok, you'll be fine, it's just a building, and it's their way of showing you they care." He placed his hand on Deeks' shoulder and guided him towards the door as Kensi and Carl walked ahead.

"It's gonna be ok right?" Deeks said quietly to Dave.

"Sure, you're gonna rock this." Dave grinned as he walked in the door.

Deeks hand tightened on his bag as he followed Kensi and his grandpa in the door.

* * *

As planned, although everyone wanted to meet Deeks at the door, that morning they had had a meeting at the breakfast table, Callen and Sam were out, Sam was swimming in the pool, whilst Callen was working on his tan and throwing the occasional tennis ball at Sam in the water, telling him to practice his evasive maneuvers underwater. Sarah was sitting beside a kiddy pool they had set up for Allie and Hetty was waiting inside for the others to arrive.

Hetty looked up as the door opened.

"We're back." Kensi called walking into the living room.

"Hey." Deeks said shyly. He could do this… _he could do this_ …his heart was racing.

"Welcome 'home' Mr. Deeks." Hetty said, "Would you and your friend like to put your bags away?" she asked.

Deeks nodded, "Yes Ma'am we would…" Dave replied.

"Ah…Mr. Schrader, welcome, you and Mr. Deeks have the rooms at the end of the hall, interconnecting doors if I read this rightly?"

Dave nodded, "Thank you, it helps if Marty needs me and still gives him some privacy."

"W…Where are the others?" Deeks asked thinking maybe they had given up and gone home.

"I believe they are all outside enjoying the sunshine." Hetty replied.

The sound of a baby came wafting through the door and Deek jumped. "Sarah? She and the baby are still here?" he looked at Dave, "You'll keep them safe won't you?" he asked trying to be quiet but Hetty heard him.

"Who do you want Mr. Schrader to keep them safe from? I assure you you're team will protect you all and this house is protected against outside intrusion."

"Me…." Deeks said he turned tail and walked out of the room with Dave on his heels.

The others looked sadly after him.

"Oh Mr. Deeks this is not going to be an easy week."

* * *

"Come on man, they're gonna wonder where you are!" Dave said sitting on a chair as Deeks sat cross legged on his bed an hour later.

Deeks glared at him but didn't move.

"They may start thinking things…" Dave said a small grin forming. "Especially if I do this…." He ruffled his hair and untucked his shirt.

Deeks threw a pillow at him, "Sure, coz after years of making goo eyes at Kensi, they are suddenly gonna believe I'm gay…." His face trailed off as he remembered about Jakes'…."Then again…" He sighed.

Dave tucked his shirt back in, "Come on man…you've had your meds. So you're ok to do this…you need to do this you know." He prodded.

Deeks climbed off the bed and put a pair of flip-flops on. "Fine."

"You decided how you want to handle this; they are going to want to talk, and you my friend need to talk to them."

Deeks opened the door, "What are you my conscience?" he said stepping out into the hall.

"Yeah, just call me Jiminy Cricket." Dave quipped.

Deeks couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"Good, that's more like it." Dave said. Following along behind him.

* * *

Callen looked up from the fridge as he heard Deeks' laughter, a sound he had thought he'd never hear again. He glanced over at Hetty who was sitting at the counter drinking a cup of tea who gave him an encouraging smile.

"Hi, Can I get something to eat?" Deeks asked, half afraid they'd say no.

Callen smiled, "I was just making a sandwich, you want one?" he asked

Deeks nodded "I can go for a sandwich and a beer?" he asked hopefully. Dave cleared his throat and Deeks sighed "Or a soda would be good too." He capitulated.

"That's good; Hetty has us all on a health kick, its soda, decaffeinated coffee or her teas." Callen said the longing for coffee clearly heard in his voice.

He made Deeks, himself and Dave, a Pastrami and rye sandwich and Deeks grabbed three soda's and they moved to the large kitchen table.

"Oh God that's good!" Deeks exclaimed biting into the sandwich.

Callen grinned, "Maybe I should leave NCIS and take up cooking?"

Deeks smiled, "Na…after the center everything tastes good."

"So, how you doing….you know with….the rehab?" Callen asked.

Deeks looked at Dave, "Good I think…I still have nightmares, and bad days, but more good ones now."

Callen smiled, "That's good, hopefully soon you'll be able to come back to work with us."

Deeks looked a bit hopeful but he said nothing. He just stared at his soda.

* * *

"I hear there's a pool here?" Dave asked noticing Deeks need for the conversation shift.

Callen nodded "out the back, you wanna see?" he asked.

"Sure," Dave finished his sandwich and put his plate in the dishwasher. Grabbing his soda he walked off with Callen.

Out of earshot Callen turned to Dave, "How's he doing really?"

"Really, he's terrified. Not of you guys, well not exactly, more of your reactions to him and his reactions. He still doesn't trust himself, don't push him for anything, just treat him as you normally would, he'll get that you aren't going to hurt him and that he won't hurt you."

"How could he think we would hurt him?" Callen asked amazed.

"He was away from you guys for a while yeah?" Dave asked.

Callen nodded, "Too long."

"Everyone he met was nice to him at first and then hurt him, or just used and abused him. Right now he's learning to trust again, Give it time man, he'll be ok." Dave told him as they walked out to the pool.

Deeks stared after them and slowly ate his sandwich, damping down the panic that started to bubble in his chest.

Hetty watched him not having moved from her seat at the kitchen counter.

Deeks ate his sandwich a bit faster and swallowed his drink in one gulp looking around the room. A door slammed upstairs and forgetting to clean up after himself he ran after Dave.

"Hey!" Deeks said catching up.

Dave turned and looked at him, "Marty…Did you clear up your plate or did you just bolt from the dining room again."

Deeks shrugged. Dave turned to Callen "we'll be back in a minute." He said and gently guided Deeks back inside.

* * *

They walked along the hallway to the kitchen "Did you have another one?" Dave asked quietly.

Deeks nodded, "You weren't there, I was worried for you." Deeks said.

Dave looked at him, "Worried for me?"

Deeks nodded and then changed his mind and shook his head, "I was scared, there are so many doors and windows, I thought…I thought…Jake and Charlie…and I dunno, I know it's stupid…and…"

Dave moved Deeks to a chair by the dining table and sat him down, taking his face in his hands, neither noticing the older man and woman in the kitchen behind him.

"Marty, it's ok to be scared, after what you've been through its normal. You need to know you are strong, you have made it this far, you are safe and you have people who love you."

Deeks dissolved into tears, he leant his head on Dave's shoulders as he comforted his friend. "It's ok, we're here for you." Dave said.

"What if I'm not strong enough?" Deeks sobbed.

"Then we will all be here for you." Carl said taking a chair next to Dave and maneuvering Deeks into his arms, "That's what family does."

"You…you still want me? Even after all I did to you?" Deeks asked.

* * *

Carl took his grandsons arm and walked him to the sofa in the living room which was now mercifully empty. "Marty, you did nothing to me, except save my life and bring me closure on some things." Carl said putting his arm around Deeks' shoulder as he leant against him.

"But, mom…Fri…your wife…your son?"

"None of that was your fault… I am proud of who you are, what you have accomplished and what you are accomplishing now, just by being here."

"You…you are?" he said looking up at him.

Carl smiled, "You are as brave and beautiful as your mother, she and your sister would have been so proud of you, I know your foster father and Jen are very proud of you and your team have done nothing but worry about you and tell stories of all the people you have helped and how you help keep the team together." Carl told his grandson.

Deeks couldn't help the goofy grin that threatened to overtake him.

"Before you know it, we'll all be coming home; anyway now that you've settled in and eaten we have someone who wants to see you." Carl said trying to hide his own grin as he heard a car door slam and saw Jeff, Jen and their 'surprise guest' walk up the steps to the front door.

Deeks looked a little freaked but trusted his grandpa not to put him in any danger and he turned.

For a second he only saw Jen and Jeff, and then, in an instant, he was off his feet on his back and very, very wet.

"Monty!" He shouted with joy and hugged his dog tightly as the dog continued to cover his face with wet kisses.

 


	19. Chapter 19

Deeks laughed as Monty covered him with kisses and his grandpa looked on lovingly.

"Your sister thought you'd be missing him." Carl said with a smile.

"I was thanks Jen." Deeks said giving his sister a quick hug. "Thanks Jeff." He knelt down burying his head in the dog's fur. "I missed you so much." He said quietly to the dog.

Jen looked at her big brother with the dog; He seemed to be holding onto the dog like a lifeline. "Marty...? Marty, are you ok?"

Deeks looked up unable to hide the tears in his eyes, "I….I need….Dave?" he said shooting Dave a look he walked away upstairs Monty following along behind.

Dave looked over to the group who were trying to decide whether it would be a good idea to go after Deeks. "It's ok; I just need to give him his meds."

Dave followed Deeks upstairs and found him curled up on the bed hugging Monty. "I can't do it." Deeks sighed as Dave walked in, "I can't stay here…I need to go back."

"You want to go back to the center?" Dave asked he was surprised; all Deeks had talked about since being admitted was about leaving.

"No….I…" Deeks buried his head in the dog again, "Why do they do this?" he said, a small hitch in his voice let Dave know that he was crying.

"Deeks, they are your family, they love you. They want you to heal."

"But I'm broken, I'm not good enough…I mean, I cried, me an ex-detective, bawled like a baby because I missed my dog!"

Dave sat on the bed and quietly prepared his meds, as Deeks held onto Monty. "How can they trust me when I'm so weak, I'm not strong like Sam or resilient like Callen or brave like Kensi….I don't even have…M…Max…"

"Max?" Dave looked interested.

"Well, I don't…Max was, is …me kinda, another part of me a braver, stronger part…He's gone."

"And you feel that the strong part of you has gone with him?" Dave asked.

"Maybe." Deeks replied in a small voice.

"Or maybe, Max was just a part of you that you had and needed a voice to come out, maybe the braver, stronger part that was Max is now in you. Maybe you do have it in you to be brave and strong."

"I don't know." Deeks scratched absently behind Monty's ears not willing to scratch his arm and show Dave how much this conversation was freaking him out.

"What do you want …in the long run Marty, what do you want out of life."

"I want to not hurt, I want to go back to work, I want to not feel the need to use every fucking hour of every day…I…I don't know what I want."

"YES YOU DO!" Dave stood facing him and yelled at him. The doctor had known that this point was coming and had instructed Dave to confront Marty, but to be careful as he did it.

Deeks' voice carried down the hall and the others looked up, Kensi, Carl, Callen and Jen ran to the bottom of the stairs and started up as Dave's voice rose.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT MARTY?" Dave yelled.

"I WANNA BE CLEAN, I WANT TO BE WORTHY, I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME! I want her to love me." Deeks collapsed onto the bed and sobbed as Dave gave him his meds.

"You did good kid." Dave said and sat next to him as Deeks sobbed, carding his fingers through the other man's hair in a soothing fashion.

"People do love you kid, everyone is here because they love you, you rest now and later you can talk to them, you need to talk to them and they may have stuff to say to you." Dave said as Deeks sniffed and fell asleep as his meds took a hold of him.

Monty snuggled beside his master and gave a big doggy yawn and laid his head under his master's arm.

Dave patted his head, "You keep watch over him, I have some explaining to do." He told the dog and slipped out, before he had taken 3 steps Kensi stood in front of him.

* * *

"Is he alright?" She asked the worry evident in her face.

Dave nodded, "He will be, can we talk?" Dave asked concerned.

Kensi nodded and the pair of them walked over to an alcove at the end on the hall.

"Are you sure he's going to be ok?" Kensi asked.

Dave nodded, "Sure, at times it's like banging your head against a brick wall, he still doesn't see himself as worthy of anyone's love or respect, and I think…his biggest problem is his feelings for you."

"ME!" Kensi stepped back surprised

"He cares for you a lot, more than anything as his partner and friend your opinion is important to him, Kensi, go talk to him, he's had his meds, he will be calmer now and quite frankly a lot more candid. I think he needs this for his recovery."

Dave smiled as Kensi turned and rushed to Deeks' room.

Walking down the stairs he was stopped by the angry faces of the rest of Deeks' family and co-workers.

"Hey, listen, Deeks will be fine, he's resting now," Dave said holding up his hands in supplication.

"You were yelling at him, how does that help him?" Callen asked suspiciously.

"Deeks needed get some stuff out, I prodded, it's coming out, carrying around all that baggage he has won't help him heal," Dave moved past them and walked to the kitchen to get himself a coffee and sat at the table waiting for the others to join him.

One by one they all sat around the table, except for Kensi and Deeks who were upstairs having a discussion of their own.

* * *

Kensi gently opened the door, patted Monty on the head and sat next to Deeks on the bed, bringing her knees up to her chest and leaning against the backboard.

Deeks turned over and looked sleepily up at her, "Kenz?" he yawned "Dreaming again, damn meds." He turned away from her, "Sorry Kenz…I'm so sorry." He let out a small sniffle and dozed off again.

"Why are you sorry Deeks?" Kensi placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Failed you, I'm a bad partner, didn't have your back, I'm not strong." Deeks yawned again. He stood up, rubbed his eyes and walked into the bathroom.

Taking care of business he walked back into the bedroom and stood looking at her, "Oh!" he said.

"Oh?" Kensi asked.

"You don't normally wear that…" Deeks said; still feeling dopey and scratching his head where his hair stuck out at the back, from his nap.

"I don't?" Kensi replied, still having no idea what he was talking about.

Deeks sat in an armchair and looked at her, "No, usually you're wearing that little black dress, with the red stilettos. I like this hallucination better,"

Kensi opened her mouth to tell him she wasn't an hallucination, but Deeks continued, "Yeah I know I failed you I'm a lousy partner, Frieda was right the world would be better off without me, you, Callen and Sam were a better team before I came along, we've been through this Fern, and you know why I don't listen, because Kensi, the real Kensi, is better than that, she cares about me, she makes me smile, she looks at me and my heart stops because no matter how many people are in a room, to her I'm the only one there." Deeks stopped and took a deep breath "And you know what else Fake Kenz, I am alive now only because of her. Every time I pick up that goddamn razor and think about slashing my wrists or saving up the drugs I had and ending it all or even going down the corridor stealing a gun and blowing my worthless brains out, the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that one day, just one day she may look at me and love me as much as I love her….So disappear and let me sleep, ok!" Deeks ignored her and climbed back into bed within seconds his eyes were closed and he was asleep, the meds taking their toll.

Kensi sat there, tears spilling down her face, he loved her…he really loved her! 'Oh my God! I love him too!' she realized. She had known there was something there for her, but she hadn't realized that this man, broken and abused as he had been, still had the capacity to love without reservation and he loved her.

She leaned over and kissed his forehead, stirring in his sleep and murmuring her name; she brushed a lock of his hair over his face and slipped over to the door.

"I love you too Deeks." She said quietly and closed the door.

On his bed, still half asleep; Deeks smiled.

 


	20. Chapter 20

For the first time in a long time, Deeks woke up smiling. He had no idea why he felt so good, but inside him there was this warm feeling and he liked it.

"Hey sleepy head you ok?" Dave asked as he looked at Deeks.

Deeks stretched and smiled. "I don't know why, but I feel fantastic…Did you change my meds?" he asked.

Dave laughed, "Something like that, I just added something you needed."

"What?" Deeks asked concerned.

Dave smiled, "Think…It'll come back to you."

Deeks shrugged and walked to the shower. Turning on the faucet and standing under the shower head it was a good two minutes before it hit him. "BLOODY HELL!" He yelled.

Dave let out a small laugh in the other room, "And the brain catches up!" he said to himself. He looked out of the window and down at the others by the pool who looked up at Deeks' yell.

Dave waved and pointed to Kensi and beckoned her upstairs.

Coming out of the shower his towel tied around his waist and his blond hair throwing drips of water everywhere he skidded to a halt in front of Dave, who looked him up and down appreciatively again cursing his luck that Deeks was straight. "It was real wasn't it?" Deeks asked standing with his back to the door not noticing Kensi walk in.

Dave smiled, "Yep…"

"What did I do…OMG what if she never wants to talk to me again? How am I gonna live without her!" He said.

Dave smiled, "Who says she doesn't feel the same way about you?"

Deeks' shoulders slumped, "I'm a junkie, and she's a federal Agent,"

"You are a recovering addict and an cop, she knows that you didn't want this and she knows how hard you've fought to get clean, you have a great support base, let them help you. Trust them." Dave pushed as Kensi stood with her finger to her lips to make sure Dave said nothing.

"I'll never be good enough for her, she's all I've ever wanted, she's the rock I clung to when I felt like I was drowning in rehab, through all that Jake….through all that, she was my lifeline, her smile, her laugh, the way she snorts when she laughs too much and tries to cover it up…I can't lose her, I couldn't come back from that." Deeks watched with sad eyes and Dave walked up to him and put his hands on his shoulders.

"Marty Deeks, you are a beautiful man and Kensi will be a lucky woman." He said and walked behind him.

Deeks sighed and turned around as he heard the door open and saw Dave, kiss Kensi on the cheek and walk out of the room.

"H…How much of that did you hear?" Deeks asked.

Kensi walked up to him but both hands either side of his face and kissed him, "Enough…" She answered.

* * *

Dave headed downstairs, grabbed a coffee and walked outside, Callen and Sarah were in conversation while baby Allie played. Sam and Jen were in the pool whilst Carl, Jeff and Hetty were enjoying tea on the patio.

Callen was the first to move, "Dave? What was that, is Deeks ok?"

Dave and the others looked up as a loud "WHOO OOH!" came from upstairs. He chuckled and grinned, "He's going to be fine, he just needed to find his rock." He said cryptically.

"What?" Callen asked.

"I think Deeks has found his soul mate and he's going to make it." Dave said slowly. "Deeks has turned his corner; I am, if you are all willing going to have a family meeting tonight. Everything needs to be cleared, any bad blood, any negative things you have any positive things need to come out at this meeting. You know we head back tomorrow, for the last part of Deeks' therapy…I can tell you I now have no doubts if things continue this way, he'll be out in about two weeks."

"Very well, its four pm now, if we have the meeting at say six o'clock?" Hetty offered.

Just before six, Kensi and Deeks came down, Deeks was dressed and holding Kensi's hand and she was blushing. "Mr. Deeks, Mr. Schrader has indicated that we need to all have a family meeting as you are going back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Deeks asked confused.

"Marty, you have hit the wall, this is good, it means you have turned a corner, you can go back tomorrow and be out in a week."

"I…I can?" he moved to Kensi and held her hand tighter.

She smiled, "I'll always be here Marty, you can do this…" she whispered to him.

* * *

Deeks nodded and they took their places together at the end of the table. Dave sat the other side for support and opened the meeting, "Deeks you need to know everyone here loves you and wants what's best for you. We are here to air anything, positive or negative about you that they have stored up,"

Deeks clenched Kensi's hand tighter.

"Whatever is said here stays here as soon as you leave the table." Dave added, patting Deeks' thigh under the table in support.

Hetty looked around the table; she cleared her throat and went first. "Mr. Deeks…Marty, I am very proud of all you have achieved here, if you continue to work with Mr. Schrader and the team at the center, I am looking forward to working with you at OSP again."

"I'm…not fired?" Deeks asked a smile appearing on his face.

"No, Mr. Deeks. Not at all." She sat back and looked to Callen.

"I'm proud of you Deeks, you found yourself in a bad place, we've all been there, but you managed to get yourself out."

"With your help…" Deeks cut in.

Callen gave a small smile, "Considering what you were facing, I understand, I really do. But you allowed us to help you and I look forward to having you back on my team."

Callen looked at Sam, there had been issues with them both in the past and Deeks gulped as Sam sat trying to find the words he wanted to say.

Deeks looked down, he didn't deserve or want to hear anything negative right now, this day had been perfect, also he didn't want Sam to get mad with him or feel uncomfortable, "It's ok Sam, you don't have to say anything…"

"Yes I do." Sam said, "Deeks you're the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met, you joke at everything, you don't seem to take your job seriously, you are the scruffiest law enforcement office I've ever met…."

Deeks gulped and held onto Kensi and Dave's hands.

"And apart from Callen and Kensi, you are the only one I would trust with mine and my family's life, You may be all those things I said but you are also the most loyal man I have ever worked with…I trust you Marty Deeks and I am proud to serve with you."

Deeks looked down and sniffed, a tear he couldn't hold rolled down his face and he hoped that no one else noticed. Of course everyone did but no one said anything.

* * *

Carl looked to his grandson. "I and my family have caused you a lot of pain over the years, for that I am sorry. You were not responsible for the acts of Brandel, or Frieda. You have proved yourself to be a grandson I can be proud of. I will miss the years you were not in my life and look forward to the ones that you will be in, in the future."

Deeks gave a faltering smile.

Sarah coughed and Carl nodded giving her the go ahead to speak, "I haven't known you very long Marty, we met under sad circumstances, but you found the person responsible for taking Ally's father away from us, even though you knew that this would be at great cost to yourself, you allowed that woman to ridicule you and hurt you just so you could give Ally and myself closure. You protected your cousin and I am proud of you and I look forward to you being a positive role model in Ally's life. I am so very proud to be your aunt." She smiled supportively at him he gave a small smile back.

Jeff looked at his son, he took a deep breath and began his turn, "When I first met you, the terrified small boy who had just lost his mother at the hands of Brandel, I worried for you. Getting you cleaned up I hoped for the best when we found you had family. I was saddened when they rejected you," He stopped and gave Carl a glance; they had already discussed this so things were fine between them. "I knew that you couldn't be abandoned to the system, you needed the one thing you didn't have, love. Your mother loved you, from what you told me that was obvious, that she loved you very much, you have been through more by the age of eleven than most people ever have to go through, and yet…you were still kind and loving and attentive to other people. It is this large heart of yours that makes you a better man, a good cop and will make you a great federal agent one day. I am pr…proud so very proud to be your father…" Jeff choked up and wiped a tear away.

Jen looked around only her and Kensi were left to speak, she held Jeff hand and looked at her brother, "I love you Jell-O." She said and Deeks let out a small laugh, "You saved me, you put your job at risk as soon as you found out we had the same father, considering who he was I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd left me there. But you got me out, away from the cartel and into college; I am going to have a better future because of you, I am proud to have you as my big brother."

Kensi smiled and turned to Deeks, she said nothing, but to the shock of everyone there she kissed him deeply. "I love him…I really do." She smiled at the team, who nodded in support of the two of them together.

Deeks looked at them all. "I…" He wanted to run, but he held on tight to his rock, his Kensi and if he had any say in it one day, his wife. "Th…thank you all…I'm sorry for all I did…I made some mistakes, but with your love and support I know now I can make it back…" He looked at Kensi and smiled and then nodded to Dave. "Tomorrow I'll go back to the center, finish my rehab and I will be back with you all…Thank you for not giving up on me…I can do this…I can do this…"The last part was said in a whisper as he said it more to himself than anyone else.

He stood up and taking Kensi's hand they walked upstairs ignoring the stupid grins on Sam and Callen's faces as they did so.

 


	21. Chapter 21

Deeks woke early, sitting in the bed, watching Kensi asleep.

They hadn't slept together,(Although one day maybe, he hoped.) But they had talked late into the night and she had fallen asleep, fully clothed on his bed. He leaned over and moved a lock of hair that had fallen over her face and smiled as she turned over and blinked looking at him. "Morning."She smiled.

He leant over and kissed her, "Good morning, I have to get up and get some packing done, before Dave gets up." He said and climbed out of bed.

"Do you feel better about it all now?" Kensi asked as she sat up.

"About going on?…or us?" Deeks asked as he put his case on the bed and opened it.

"Both I guess." Kensi responded.

Deeks smiled, "I feel….calm…you know, more centered than I have in a long time, it's like the morning after a storm, where everything is washed clean, you know there is some clearing up to do, but it's nowhere near as bad as the storm the night before…D'ya know?"

Kensi nodded, "I get it…"

Deeks sat on the bed and cupped her face in his hand. "For so long, I've been afraid to be me, I've always felt responsible for other people's mistakes, but I have admitted mine, I know my weaknesses and I'm not alone anymore, I know my strengths." He said looking deep into her eyes hoping that she realized when he was talking about his strengths he was, in fact, talking about her.

"So, what happens next?" she asked.

Deeks put the last of his stuff into his bag and zipped it closed. "Dave and I will leave for the center today. I get off the last of these meds, a few more sessions with Bryan and then Hasta la Vista baby!" he grinned.

Kensi rolled her eyes.

* * *

"You know what you're going to do afterwards?" She asked, they hadn't talked about if he would go back to LAPD or join NCIS or something else.

Deeks shrugged, "I don't know…I'm not really worried about it, if I can't go back, that's ok. I understand if Hetty doesn't trust me back on the team, "

"She said you could go back and that she wanted to work with you again," Kensi gently prodded.

Deeks smiled, "I know what she said, but I know I will have to pass the psych evals, if I can't do that I can see a surf shack in my future,"

"You'll be fine, I need my partners watching my back."

Deeks sighed with a smile, "Kenzalina, no matter what I am doing, I will ALWAYS watch your back."

She raised an eyebrow at him, her face a slight smirk, "You know that is incredibly….."

"Brave, Sweet, Heroic…" He offered.

"CREEPY!" She finished with a small laugh.

He laughed with her, she, as usual was right. The door knocked and he looked up as Dave came in with his hand over his eyes.

"You guy's naked?" He called out smirking.

"Nope all dressed." Deeks affirmed as Dave lowered his hand.

"Darn." Dave said smirking under his breath and ducking as Kensi chucked a cushion at him.

"OK so you all packed?" He asked.

Deeks nodded, "We gotta go now?" he asked a small waver in his voice.

Dave smiled, "I think I'd be lynched if we left right now." He told Deeks. He grabbed Deeks' case and headed for the door, "I think you need breakfast first."

Deeks nodded; hopefully they'd eat and get out before the others woke up.

* * *

Walking into the kitchen, still holding Kensi's hand both unwilling to let go until they had to Deeks stopped. He'd smelled food on the way down the stairs and he had assumed that Callen was the one up, maybe making him something to eat. What he didn't expect was the fully laden dining room table, with all manner of breakfast foods on it, and everyone sitting around waiting for him.

Monty trotted up and licked Deeks' hand nudging him towards the table; Deeks leaned over and threw the dog a sausage off a nearby platter.

"Morning." Sam smiled.

"What's going on?" Deeks asked.

"Breakfast silly." Jen replied smiling at her brother.

Deeks rolled his eyes and sat down next to her, "No, really!"

"Mr. Deeks we couldn't let you go back to finishing your treatment at the center without you having a good family breakfast." Hetty told him.

Deeks felt the lump in his throat at her words. He gave a shaky smile and sat down. Sam shot Callen a look at the sight of the two junior agents holding hands, but Callen wisely said nothing.

They all ate happily talking about anything and everything, except the fact that Deeks was yet again leaving.

Jen and Sarah cleaned away the breakfast dishes. The others sat drinking coffee, "What time do you need to leave son," Jeff asked.

Deeks looked at his watch, "I have to leave in about an hour, to make it in time for tonight's meds and check in."

"Are you all packed?" Carl asked.

Deeks nodded, "Kensi helped me earlier." He admitted.

He got up and walked to the large French doors that opened to the back patio. "I'm gonna miss this place." He admitted.

Carl walked up behind him, "You will?"

"Yeah, this has been an important place for me, kinda let go of the old and embraced the new sort of place." He replied.

Carl put his hand on Deeks' shoulder, "I am so proud of you, Marty, I have a question to ask…feel free to say no…but…"

"What is it Grandpa?" Deeks asked.

"When you come out of rehab and come home, for a while, would you like to stay with me…I mean I have things of your mothers, and I was wondering if you would like to spend some time, just you and me, looking through them?" he waited not knowing how his request would be taken.

Deeks walked outside the doors, savoring the fresh morning air and looking over the view of Las Vegas that he had from here. He walked to the edge of the pool and stared at the sunlight in the rippling water.

"Grandpa, I…I think I would like that…maybe just for a while, I'd like to know more about my mom, the kind of person she was before….before…" He turned away as Carl put his hand on his grandsons shoulder and turned him into a hug.

"I would like that too, maybe you could show me some pictures of you growing up, things from your childhood that mean a lot to you, I would like to catch up on those things with you….and you'll have to bring Monty, I think he's missed you enough already, and I kinda like him," Carl admitted with a wry smile.

Deeks hugged his Grandpa, "I'm gonna miss you," he said quietly.

"It's a week son, I'll be there probably with the whole of this lot to collect you and bring you home."

Deeks looked away hiding the traitorous tears that threatened to fall at his grandpa's words, 'they're going to bring me home,' he said to himself.

"COME ON ROCK STAR!" Dave called grinning from the house.

Deeks chuckled at his 'minder' slash friend. "I'm coming sexy!" he laughed.

Dave blushed and burst into laughter, "If you weren't straight, you'd be dangerous, now we have to get these bags packed. So gimme a hand." He said.

Deeks all worry about leaving forgotten picked up the bags and threw them into the car.

* * *

By the time he had finished everyone was gathered around the car, Sarah holding baby Ali, Jen leaning against Callen for support, Sam and Jeff standing next to Kensi and Carl and Hetty at the edge of the group.

Deeks looked up and realized this was it; he had to leave them again. "I….I suppose…I have to be going…" he swallowed not wanting them to worry, but unable to dispel the lump in his throat.

He gave them a shaky smile as Sarah and the baby came over and hugged him, "Take care Marty, we'll see you in a week." She kissed him on the cheek and he gave her a kiss back and kissed the baby on the forehead, "Take care of your momma." He whispered to his cousin.

Jen and Callen walked over, Callen had his arm draped over Jen's shoulder, and Deeks raised an eyebrow, "Something you wanna tell me?"

Jen rolled her eyes, "Please!" she laughed, Callen let out a small laugh too, "He's just been keeping an eye on me."

Both gave him a hug too, "See you soon Jell-O." Jen said to him.

Callen gave him a pat on the back and moved back so that Carl and Hetty could come over, "See you in a week son," Carl said and hugged his grandson. Hetty patted his arm in a motherly gesture, "You work on getting well and we will see you in a week Mr. Deeks." Deeks nodded he couldn't keep the smile on his face.

Then he turned to the last three, Sam, Jeff and Kensi.

Sam shook his hand, "See you in a week Deeks, try not to send everyone there crazy." He joked. Deeks gave a small smile and pulled Sam into a man-hug, "See ya big guy." He replied.

Jeff held his arms out and Deeks held him tight. "I'm gonna be ok Dad." He whispered in Jeff's ear.

Jeff stepped back a huge grin splitting his face, "You know son, I think you really are." He agreed with him.

Kensi stood and looked at him, holding her arms around herself in a comforting gesture, "Kenzalina…." Deeks grinned. He held open his arms and she ran sobbing into them, annoyed with herself that she was showing so much emotion.

"I'm gonna miss you." She sniffed hiding her face from the rest of the team.

Deeks stepped back and cupped her face in his hands, leaned in and in full view of his team, he kissed her.

Breaking free he stepped back as she shot an embarrassed grin in his direction, "That should keep you going." He said cheekily.

Hetty shot him a glance as Kensi stepped back.

Deeks grinned, "OK folks I'm off, See you in a week yeah?" he laughed as he got in the car.

Dave shot him a look as they pulled off; Deeks was still grinning and waving as they drove down the driveway.

The second they drove out of sight Deeks face fell and he dropped his head in his hands.

"Oh, God…What am I gonna do?" he groaned.

Dave shot him a looked but kept silent, as he watched his charge slowly retreat back into himself again. He sighed and kept on driving.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Dave drove on in silence looking surreptitiously at Deeks on the way back, watching as the happy demeanor slowly crumbled away.

Dave pulled up on the side of the road and stopped the car.

"Ok, speak to me…what's wrong."

"Nothing…" Deeks stared out the window.

"BullShite…You look like a wet weekend. You've done nothing but stare out the window moping since we left. You were so upbeat and now this?"

"Just drive." Deeks snapped.

"No." Dave got out of the car, keys in hand and sat on the hood.

Deeks got out and looked at him raising an eyebrow in surprise. "You burning your ass?" he smirked as Dave scowled at him.

"Yes…." Dave admitted through gritted teeth and jumped off. "But that's not the point. You were optimistic, you were all for this so what's going on in that gorgeous blond head of yours."

"I don't wanna go back; if I go back there, I might go back to what I was, I shouldn't have left the others…I can't do this alone." He sighed sitting on the side of the road, leaning back against the car tire.

Dave smiled, he had thought it was something huge, to find out it was just this was a relief. "Marty, its ok, what your feeling is normal."

Deeks looked lopsided at him, "Normal?! What the Hell about any of this is normal?"

Dave looked at him, "All of it, It's a week Marty, you'll be out in a week, your family will be there for you."

"But…but I've gone…they may now realize that it is less trouble when I'm not around, they might not want me back."

Dave moved so he was squatting in-front of Deeks, "Do you trust them?" he asked looking Deeks in the eye.

"God …Yes!"

"Do they make a habit of lying to people?"

" _What_?! NEVER!"

"Then the other night, when each and every one of them bared their souls to you and told you how they felt, do you think they were lying or telling the truth."

"Telling the truth?" Deeks asked hoping it was true.

" _EXACTLY_!"Dave said forcefully, "They  _were_  telling the truth about how they felt about you, trust that, trust them. It won't be that long, it's just a week, you talk to Bryan and you finish up your meds, then you're out of here, back into the real world to kick butt and take names and make the world safer for the rest of us."

Deeks stood up and stalked back to the car, climbed in, slammed the door and did up his belt.

"Well." He snapped.

Dave sighed and climbed in the car, this was the part of his job he hated, when the client realized they were nearly better but still had the last hurdle to overcome.

* * *

Throwing his bag back down onto his bed Deeks slammed himself on it with a sigh.

"Bryan will be seeing you in an hour; he's coming here, so you don't have to worry." Dave said flatly.

"Dave…." Deeks called quietly.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry; you've been a great friend and Mentor." Deeks told Dave, who stopped and looked at him.

"You sound like you are going to die?" Dave replied quizzically.

"If Bryan doesn't let me leave at the end of the week I just might, It's just…Kensi, ya know. Finally she's looking at me like a person, she…she loves me and now I have to leave. Jack left her and it took her ages to get over it. I don't want to be like that, what if she thinks I am and she doesn't want anything to do with me when I get out."

Dave smiled, "Kensi loves you, you dork. I bet she's first in line when they come to get you."

"If they come." Deeks said under his breath as he turned to unpack his bag.

Dave didn't hear the comment, "Dinner's in two hours, I'll come and get you."

"I know where it is." Deeks snapped.

"Yeah, yeah of course you do." Dave said, waving his arm half heartedly, as he closed the door.

* * *

Deeks looked at the bag he was unpacking and repacked it again, shoving it under the bed.

Bryan knocked on the door as Deeks slumped back onto the bed.

"Hello Marty, how was your few days away?"

"Fine," Deeks said,

Bryan looked over at him concerned. "Did it not go as well as you hoped?"

Deeks sat up and looked at him, "No, It went great, honestly Doc, they were all there and really supportive. It's just, I…I don't wanna be back here; I don't wanna take the meds anymore. I just want my life back."

"And you will get it back, but you cannot stop your meds just like that, you will need to continue them at least a month after you leave here, I will be talking to Ms Laing and recommending 3 months of desk duty and you will have to do 90 meetings for 90 days at Narcotics Anonymous." Bryan told Deeks.

Deeks sighed, "I thought I was nearly done."

Bryan looked at Deeks, this he hated, "Marty you will always be an addict, you will always feel the pull to use, but the pull will fade, it won't be as strong as it is now, but occasionally you will have lapses, if you go to the meetings you will find yourself a sponsor who can be there for you in the tough times, someone who has been there and knows exactly what you are going through."

"And why would someone help me like that?" Deeks asked

"Because they have all been there, they know what you need because they have needed it too."

Deeks nodded, he'd do anything to get out of there. "Ok Doc, is that it?"

Bryan nodded, "Practically, we will be reducing your medication dosage today, and tapering it off during the week so you will only need to take your medication once a week after you leave here."

There was a knock on the door and a friendly face was at the small window to Deeks' room, "Are we done doc?" Deeks asked.

Bryan looked over at the woman and smiled, "Sure, Lacey has been bugging me since you left, go spend some time with her," he encouraged.

Deeks looked at the doctor, "OK, don't I get my meds now?" he asked.

Bryan shook his head, "We will be giving you a dose just before bed. We are already reducing."

* * *

Deeks nodded once and opened his door as Lacey ran in and jumped into his arms. "Marty, Marty, Marty….I missed you SOOOOOOO much!" she gushed, grinning at the doctor as he left the room.

Deeks gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Missed you too Lacey, you wanna walk me to dinner?" he asked.

Lacey looked around, "Shhh, Marty I have a secret!" the young woman told him.

Deeks sat her in the chair and looked into her eyes, "Lace? Are you high?" he asked.

She giggled and opened her pocket, "Yeah! Want some…just a bit, come on Marty….Don't be a party pooper!"

Deeks looked at the offered assortment.

"I….Lace….I shouldn't….I can't…Kenz, the others…." He started to sweat staring at them.

"No one'll know, my boyfriend gave them to me."

"But, I…Promised the others, I need to get clean…they…"

Lacey's sweet face turned into a scowl, "And where are they, hey?" she snarled, "Are they here with you…no, no one wants you Marty, except me. I want you Marty, no one will notice if we aren't at yucky old dinner, we can stay here, a party of two," she grabbed him and pulled him into a steamy kiss.

"No!" Deeks pulled back his eyes went wide as he realized he had a tablet in his mouth, she must have had it in hers, he swallowed and then realized what he had done. "What….what was that?" he asked scared.

Lacey got up and walked to the door locking it, Taking off her t-shirt she walked over to Deeks smiling, "Just a little E Marty, to get the party started."

Deeks tried shaking his head as the ecstasy tablet took effect, "Kenz?" he asked shaking his head trying to clear it.

"Yeah Marty, I'm here." Lacey replied climbing onto his lap and kissing him as he pulled her down for more.

 


	23. Chapter 23

"GET OFF HIM!" Dave yelled at Lacey as he opened Deeks' door.

"Kenz? Dave what are you doing, get off her!" Deeks said moving between 'Kensi' and him.

Dave called another orderly who took Lacey from Deeks, "Kensi, no…give her back!"

Dave took one look at Deeks and sighed, "Marty! What have you taken?"

"Dunno…" Deeks slurred as he stumbled back onto the bed.

Dave turned to Lacey, "What did he take?"

"Me…I'm addictive…." She giggled, obviously high as a kite.

"Lacey?" Dave growled.

"OK so I slipped him E. It's no biggy; he just needed to lighten up a bit."

"Get her back to isolation." Dave said to the other orderly.

* * *

He turned back to Deeks who was walking in circles. "Marty…you need to relax."

"I….I can't I need to do something. I can't stay here…" Deeks was walking frantically between the door and the window.

"Come on, it's too late to pump your stomach, you're gonna have to ride it out, you need to go to isolation."

Deeks nodded numbly, his brain not processing where he was going.

Bryan came running down the corridor, "What happened?" He asked as Dave and Deeks walked down the corridor.

"Lacey got hold of some E and decided that she and Marty were soul mates, she slipped him some I don't think he took it voluntarily." Dave said looking at an overanxious Deeks with sympathy.

"I'll have to let his sponsors know." Bryan said deliberately not using the word Hetty.

Deeks looked around and saw Bryan, "No…..No….I'm not going you can't make me….Dave, don't let him take me back there! I won't go….I'll be good!" his eyes were wide and Dave realized he was headed into a full-blown panic attack.

"Marty?" Dave walked over to the wall and leant his friend against it.

"You're going to be ok….just breathe,"

"No….you know who that is?" Deeks said keeping his voice deliberately low, "He's a social worker, he wants to take me back, if I go back ' _he'll_ ' know and _he'll_  kill me…don't let him send me back…please…."he begged.

Both Dave and Bryan looked at each other, "Please, if he finds out I've been getting help he'll hurt momma again…Fern's so small please D…don't tell" he sank down the wall sobbing.

"Carry on Dave, I'll deal with this." Dave led a sobbing Deeks to one of the padded isolation rooms and settled in for a long night.

Bryan went back to his office and picked up the phone, an hour later as he replaced the receiver he sighed, he'd had a look at his work file, the one Hetty had supplied but nothing had prepared him for the rest of what he'd just learned, it seemed what Deeks had shared with him, was the sanitized version of his life.

"Oh my poor boy," Bryan sighed. He knew he wasn't supposed to get emotionally involved in his patients lives but this…it was almost too much for him to hear, how that poor boy had managed to live through so much was beyond him.

Hetty replaced the receiver schooled her features and walked out to the group that were sitting in the living room, they were staying at the house for the rest of the week and were planning on picking Deeks up on their way back.

* * *

"We have a problem." Hetty said as she walked in.

Kensi sat up straighter causing Monty to shift from his position by her feet as she did so, Callen and Sam looked up from their game of chess and Carl, and Jeff the only others in the room turned to look at her.

"What's wrong?" Callen asked.

"Mr. Deeks…he's ingested some ecstasy, a tablet, his release date has therefore been put back by a few days."

"NO! He wouldn't use again he promised," Kensi exclaimed her hands flying to her mouth.

"I believe it was an accident." Hetty said,

Sam snorted, "Yeah right, Hetty how can you do that by accident."

"Apparently he was caught in a compromising position with another patient, and she had given him the drug."

"You're wrong; there is no way that Deeks would cheat on me." Kensi said tears pricking at her eyes. "He loves me I know he does." She clung to Monty as the others came over to show their support.

"He does Kenz, maybe they made a mistake," Callen said.

"I need to see this; I don't believe it, Hetty can you get me in there?" Kensi asked.

Hetty nodded, she knew how important this would be to them both. "Very well I'll make some calls."

Two hours later, Kensi, Callen, Carl and Jeff, were standing outside the rehabilitation center waiting for Bryan to meet them.

Bryan opened the door to find the group waiting in reception, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize there would be four of you, I suppose that's ok, come on through to my office." He said leading the way.

He sat down and waited for the group to do the same.

"What happened Doc?" Callen asked, "He was all but ready to leave, he definitely wasn't planning on using again and then in less than six hours he's on lockdown for using?"

"one of our patients is here for sex addiction, one of the ways she would share her drugs to her victims or willing partners was to kiss them while she had ecstasy in her mouth, she would then transfer the tablet and they would get high with her, we believe this is what happened with Marty." Bryan told them honestly.

"No, there's no way he'd kiss someone else…not willingly." Kensi said.

Bryan looked at her, "You're Kensi right?" he asked.

She nodded, "Yes."

"The drugs made Marty hallucinate; he was convinced it was you he was with and not Lacey, he was…shall we say most vocal in trying to defend you."

She gave a small smile at this. "Can…can we see him?" she asked.

Bryan thought about it, Deeks was on lockdown but there was a two-way mirror so he could be observed, however it was unusual for him to allow it, but Hetty had been most insistent that apart from allowing Marty to leave with them, they should have whatever they needed.

"It is usually against the rules and I will warn you, he won't know you're there. You will not be able to interact with him at all, but if you feel you can handle it, you may come and see him."

All four of them nodded, and Callen, who it seemed had become the spokesperson for the group replied, "we'll go."

"Very well."

They walked towards the isolation wing and Bryan used his ID badge to get them in.

* * *

Unlike the visitors area and the usual wing of the rehab center the Isolation wing was more secure, there were individual rooms, with nothing in them but a silver toilet, the same as you would see in a jail cell, the only difference to the jail cell was that each room was padded and had a orderly sitting watching the patients as they would go through different stages of withdrawal.

They passed one room just as a screaming woman threw herself into the two way mirror, "I can see you….get them out of my head!" she screamed as her orderly moved her into a safe position.

They carried on Carl putting a comforting arm around Kensi as they walked.

At the end of the hall they stopped.

Dave could easily be seen sitting quietly in a corner reading a book looking from time to time at a bundle of blankets in the corner.

"He asked for them as he was freezing," Bryan said, "While Dave is with him to make sure he doesn't self harm blankets are allowed although it is quite warm in there.

Deeks was curled in a ball they could see he was shaking and every once in a while he'd flinch, his head would shoot up and he'd look around wildly.

Bryan tapped on the glass gently to let Dave know they were there. Dave took a moment and stepped out.

He walked up to them and nodded, "Kensi…he wasn't at fault. You need to know that."

"I do, Bryan explained it, You promise me Dave, you stay with him for the rest of his time in here, you don't let her get near him at all." She begged.

"I won't."

Deeks looked up, he couldn't see the others but somehow he knew they were there, and moreover he knew he was a danger to them. He got up and ran to the door, grabbing the chair Dave had brought in with him.

"Deeks!" Callen called noticing what he was doing.

Deeks grabbed the chair and wedged it up under the door handle.

"STAY OUT! KEEP HER SAFE!" Deeks screamed.

"Deeks, it's Callen, Kensi is safe…it's ok…open the door." He said calmly.

"No she's not…he's here," Deeks' voice shook.

"Ok I'll keep Kensi safe, you wanna let me in, I'll help you." Callen said as the others watched.

"Please…Callen…make him go away…" Deeks gently opened the door and Callen saw his friend's scared face.

"Ok Deeks let me in…let me help you."

Deeks opened the door slowly and let Callen in but never once took his eyes on the figure of Gordon John Brandel who was standing in the corner and hurling obscenities at him.

 


	24. Chapter 24

"You have a gun? Tell me you have a gun! Shoot him…Please God…Callen just shoot him!" Deeks screamed trying to push himself into the opposite corner of the room as far away from the hallucination of Brandel as he could get.

"He can't shoot me boy." Brandel snarled. "I'm invincible…I'm in your head and I'm going to stay there."

"Nooooooo!" Deeks moaned bending over and clutching his head. "Get out…" he groaned.

"Deeks," Callen squatted down and put a hand on his shoulder.

"No… please don't…" Deeks gave a shuddering breath.

"It's me Callen, what you're seeing, it isn't real." He assured him.

The image of Brandel lent over him, "Martin, your friends are not real, you're not really a cop, your mine…always mine, don't listen to what that hallucination is saying to you, you're too useless to become a cop, you know that…I would never put you through college when you can be a arms dealer like me." Brandel snarled. "Unless you fail at that then I'll sell you as a slave…might give you away, you're worthless…useless…nobody…." He said in a sing song voice dancing around the shaking form of his son.

"No…he's real." Deeks affirmed. He knew that Callen and Kensi were real, they had to be.

"No he's not…" Callen said.

Deeks grabbed the blankets and pulled them over his head, "No…please, if it's not real I don't wanna live." He sobbed, "I can't, not alone…"

"You're not alone." Callen said trying to get Deeks to look at him.

"You're always alone." Brandel snarled.

Deeks hugged himself tighter rocking back and forth… "Mom…Fern…Don't leave me here with him." He begged half sobbing with each word.

* * *

"Deeks, please, look at me…" Callen begged.

"Not real…." Deeks moaned.

Callen shot a desperate look at the large two-way mirror, "I need help." He said.

The door opened and the others moved into the room.

"No…not safe…" Deeks gasped his voice hitching as he ran out of steam, tiredness overtaking him.

Kensi sat in the corner opposite eyes wide trying to be strong for him.

"Marty…" Carl sat on the floor pulling his grandson into his arms, "Callen and your team are real, and they want to help. Your father and I are here….Jeff's here," Carl quickly amended as Deeks flinched. "We will all keep you safe, Brandel is not real." He promised.

"Really? Grandpa…" Deeks flung his arms around the old man and gripped his shirt tightly as his sobs slowed. "I'm safe?" he asked.

"NO….I'm still here I'm a part of you, every time you look in the mirror you'll see me, you know what I did to your mother, and to you…that is and will always be inside you and one day you'll have children and you'll be just like me," Brandel snarled.

"I won't….." Deeks said, "Tell him grandpa, and tell him I won't…" Deeks begged. "Kenz you tell him I won't."

"You won't what?" Kensi asked.

"I won't be like him, I won't hurt our kids…I won't….I just won't!" he insisted.

"I know you won't." Kensi said she knelt in front of him and pulling him to her, she wrapped her arms around his head, "You won't you'll be the best father, the best partner."

"Best husband?" Deeks asked

"Best husband…No one else on the planet for me Deeks, no one else is good enough." She promised him and kissed the top of his head.

"Love ya Kenz…" Deeks sighed breathing in her scent grounded him and he closed his eyes and finally exhausted passed out.

Kensi leaned back against the wall and pulled him to her. "I'm staying with him." She said.

Bryan and Dave looked at each other, "It's against protocol." Bryan said, "But I suppose if Dave were to stay with you and you left the room at the first sign of trouble…maybe just this once." He agreed.

Kensi nodded looking down at her hand and shirt. One hand was being held by Deeks and the other was fisted tightly in her shirt as even in his sleep he didn't want to relinquish his hold on her.

The others stood and with the exception of Kensi and Dave left the room.

"Will he be ok?" Carl asked concerned.

Bryan nodded, "Of course he will, he's lucky he has family supporting him, some don't." he said as he walked out with Callen and Jeff and Carl.

"We'll be back tomorrow to pick up Kensi." Callen told him.

"I was hoping she would stay a while," Bryan told him, "I would like to ask her in the morning, I do not want Marty to become dependent on her, but I do feel that after this setback he will respond favorably to having Kensi with him for a few sessions."

"Ok, I'll call in the morning, to see how he is and what Kensi wants to do." Callen said as they left.

* * *

Deeks woke up, his head filled with a familiar, throbbing.

"Crap!" he swore not opening his eyes, "No….NO! Not again!" he snarled he grabbed his head and curled into a ball as a familiar wave of nausea and a pull to use again swept over him.

"Deeks?" Kensi said as she awoke and laid her arm on his shoulder.

He flinched from her touch then his head whipped round horrified, "Kensi!?"

"Water?" She asked and motioned for Dave to hand her the cup.

He nodded and pulled himself into a sitting position, hugging his knees to his chest to stop the cramps he was now experiencing.

"What…What happened?" Deeks asked, "I didn't use…did I, I mean I wouldn't?"

Kensi pulled him into a hug. "It wasn't your fault; you were slipped an Ecstasy tablet."

"What?! Who?" he asked stunned, he couldn't for the life of him think who would do this to him.

"Lacey," Kensi said.

"Lacey? But she's such a sweet kid…" Deeks trailed off as flashes of him making out with Lacey assailed his brain. "OH GOD NO!" he moaned and turned on his knees barely making it to the stainless steel toilet in time.

Kensi rubbed his back, "its ok."

"No…it's not, she's just a kid…did I? Did I…?"He found he couldn't ask the question.

"No." Kensi said. She handed Deeks the cup of water and he leaned back against the wall his eyes closed trying to straighten out his equilibrium."

Leaning back he couldn't stop the tears that fell.

"Hey man, you're going to be ok." Dave told him.

"No…no I won't, I promised Hetty I wouldn't use again, my family, they'll hate me I'm such a screw up." He raged at himself. "I've ruined it all."

"No…it wasn't your fault you didn't do this willingly."

"I shouldn't have done this at all, I should have spat it out, I should have…"

"STOP!" Kensi stood up hands on her hips and stared down at her partner.

"You will not blame yourself for this, what you will do is work on getting where you should be so you can come home to your family that loves you…all of us." She ordered him.

Deeks nodded. "Ok." He agreed.

Bryan overhearing the exchange walked in, "I am glad to hear that Marty. I would like to ask you Kensi if you wouldn't mind staying till the end of Deeks' recovery, I think it would do him some good to have you here. On behalf of the rehab center I would like to apologize for what happened to you Marty. We will look into it and make sure that it will never happen again."

Kensi stood nose to nose with the doctor, "Of course I will stay, I'm his partner and I will always have his back."

She sat back down next to Deeks leaning against the padded wall shoulder to shoulder with him and held his hand.

"You are not alone." She promised him.

Deeks smiled, "Thank you."

She knew the next few days would be hard on them both, but she was as determined as he was not to fail.

* * *

Callen sat at the large dining table with the rest of the team listening in as he called on speaker to the rehab center.

"Good morning Callen," Bryan said with a smile in his voice.

"Bryan, how is Deeks?" Callen asked getting straight to the point, "You're on speaker so we can all hear."

"Very well," Bryan started, "As you know one of our more, disturbed patients Lacey, attacked Marty and forced him to take and Ecstasy tablet."

"We know go on."

"Well that caused him to hallucinate and he was extremely distressed and fretful. For his own safety we removed him to a padded room, Kensi has stayed with him all night, and he awoke this morning, slightly disorientated and extremely upset over last night's events. Kensi managed to reassure him that his family will not abandon him over this and that he will make it through."

There were choruses of objections to the idea that they would even think about abandoning him.

Bryan smiled, "It's good to hear he has that level of support. Also Kensi has offered to stay the week out with him, I was wondering if someone could bring her some clothing and anything else she need, I know that after last night Marty will be reassured that she is there and looking out for him, The center again apologizes for the lapse in security and we will do everything in our power to make sure it never happens again." He promised.

"Good." Hetty replied, "I will be sending a car at the end of the week to pick up Ms Blye and Mr. Deeks. Mr. Deeks Senior, will be there later on with Ms Blye's things."

"Thank you." Bryan said and ended the call.

He sighed with relief, the center had dodged a bullet but he was more determined than ever to get Marty back on his feet and home to his family where that young man belonged.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Back in his room after his run in with the Ecstasy tablet, Deeks was leaning against the headboard of his bed reading a book as Kensi came in, she had just been to the pool and swam as she had started to do since being here, the idea being according to Bryan that Deeks get some time alone and that she have some space as well so that he didn't get too dependent on her being there.

"How was your swim?" He asked.

She smiled and shook her head so the wet water drops landed on him, "Wet!" She grinned.

"Yuck!" Deeks smiled a small smile as he wiped the water off him.

"What are you reading?" Kensi asked leaning over to look.

"Nothing…" he tried to hide the book.

"Walt Whitman?" Kensi said as she grabbed the book from him.

"LEAVE IT!" he yelled grabbing the tattered book from her grasp.

Kensi stopped, Deeks never yelled at her. He realized what he had done and took a step away from her, "I'm sorry, it's just…it's mine." He said He handed the book to her and went into the bathroom locking the door.

She turned the book over in her hands, "I'm sorry Deeks." She said knocking on the door.

He didn't answer but emerge a few minutes later, dressed, as dressed as he could get seeing as he was still on suicide watch and had had his trainers and belt confiscated and was wearing the slippers that they handed out at the center.

He grabbed the book off her and headed out the door Kensi close at his heels until they reached Bryans' office for Deeks and Kensi's therapy session.

* * *

"Morning." Bryan smiled as the couple walked in.

Deeks walked over to the chair in the furthest corner and pulled his knees to his chest, Kensi looking sad and confused sat next to Bryan.

"Something wrong?" He asked brightly.

"No." Deeks snapped.

"I don't know." Kensi honestly answered.

"You don't know?" Deeks snapped back, "It was mine…and you took it, and…and you laughed…it's…" He stopped and looked out of the window rather than looking at them.

"The book? All this because of a stupid poetry book?" She didn't mean to snap at him, but they had been through 3 more days of therapy things were getting better and now he was on a downer over a book.

Deeks looked hurt.

"I mean, it's only a book, it's not even a new book, look at it, it's dog-eared and the cover is ripped and it's got sticky tape on it." She didn't understand why he was so protective over a book.

Bryan held up a hand. "Kensi, this is obviously important to Marty. Marty, would you like to tell Kensi about the book?" he asked.

"No." Deeks said quickly.

"Please, Deeks, I never wanted to hurt you…" Kensi said softly.

"It's…..hers." He mumbled.

"Hers?" Bryan said having caught what he said.

Deek held the book to his chest tightly and walked to the window. "I miss her…I can't help it, I know I'm not supposed to, I mean I'm a grown adult, but I miss her, I really…." He let out a sob and instantly Kensi was out of her seat and at his back with her arms around his waist comforting him.

"Who?" She asked gently.

"My mom…it was her book, it was the only one he would let her have, she'd read to me when I got bored with my books. It was our time together. It was safe." He wiped his eyes but wouldn't look at her.

"I've never seen it before?" Kensi said.

Deeks looked at her, "It's not something I ever share, not even Jeff or Jen know about it, I had it under my jumper, the night she…she died. I took it as we were running and then…then….I never got to give it back."

Kensi hugged him, "I'm sorry, I should have realized."

Deeks turned to face her, "I'm not mad with your Kenz. I'm mad because until you saw the book I realized there were still parts of my life that I am holding onto. Secrets I'm keeping from you and I…I don't want to."

Kensi pulled him over to the overstuffed leather couch in the corner and sat next to him.

He leant into her embrace as Bryan looked at the couple. "Marty, is there anything else you want to tell Kensi."

Marty shook his head, "I have told her most of it, most of what I did while I was on the drugs, and she knows about mom and fern and him. She knows about Frieda and my family. She even knows I love her, I don't know what else to tell her." He said confused.

Bryan nodded, "Kensi do you have anything to tell Deeks?" she asked.

"I didn't mean to laugh, I was just surprised that you like poetry, I have memories like that with things that belonged to my dad, I have a journal of his, when we get back I'll share it with you if you want." She offered.

Deeks gave a smile, "I'd like that Fern."

Bryan turned to Deeks, "Marty a few times I've heard you call Kensi 'Fern' can you tell us why?" he asked.

"She was my sister. My baby sister, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, I haven't seen anything that beautiful since, until I saw her, I mean Kensi."

"You called me that the first time you saw me?" Kensi said surprised.

"I know," Deeks said shyly.

"Marty, you'll be leaving us in two days; you've successfully completed this stage of your rehabilitation. You will of course be signed up to 90 meetings in 90 days at your local Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and Ms Lange has agreed that you can go back to work as soon as your 90 days are up."

Deeks' head shot up, "I still have a job I thought I was fired? I mean, after what happened with Lacey I felt for sure..." he said surprised.

Kensi nodded, "Yeah, I need my partner." She said, "I can't go out in the field without you having my back."

"You still trust me then?" Deeks asked.

Kensi wrapped her arm around his shoulder, "Always," she affirmed.

* * *

"Do you feel ready to leave us?" Bryan asked.

Deeks stood up and walked to the window, without saying a word. He looked out and saw Lacey in the gardens with her escort. He looked past the fence to the wide open space beyond. Could he? Could he go back to his life before?

He turned back and looked at them. "Ready? No…do I need to? Yeah, yeah I do." He said. "I need to try to get my life back, and I know now, I'm not alone and I can do it. I don't just mean Kensi either, I'm not using her as an enabler, but as part of my support system, I've been doing some thinking, Bryan. I know I have my family, Hetty, the team…Heck even Monty in his own way. And…and I think I'm going to make it."

Bryan smiled, "Finally."

Deeks and Kensi looked confused.

"The one problem Marty had was realizing that everyone was on his side, can I ask Marty what made you come to this realization?" Bryan asked.

"Lacey." Deeks said.

Kensi looked confused.

"Lacey had a relapse, and she's still here being escorted by guards. She's alone, I've never seen her have a visitor, she did her whole rehab alone and she's still here." He sighed feeling sorry for her, and he turned to Kensi, "You're here, I had a relapse and you, Callen, Jeff and Grandpa came for me, you stayed for the last week, you have been here through it all…I'm not alone." he said. "Hetty has still offered me a job, even though LAPD fired me, she still has faith in me and you all came to that house when I was on release with Dave. You all supported me…I…I'm not alone any more." Deeks smiled, his first bright genuine smile in weeks, "Kensi…I'm not alone any more!" he said surprised.

Kensi stood up, not caring about the happy tears that ran down her face, she ran over to him and flung her arms around him, kissing him gently she whispered in his ear, "You will not ever have to be alone again." She promised.

* * *

True to her word she stayed with him, throughout the two days left at the center, drive with Hetty in her car back to Los Angeles and through the 90 meetings in 90 days at N.A.

Deeks woke up, he sat and looked over at Kensi sleeping in the bed, and they still hadn't slept together, promising that while he was going through this, it would be a bad time to cross that line. He smiled, hoping that someday soon they'd cross it together.

Deeks went to the bathroom and got washed and changed, he knew it was really early, but it was his first day back at NCIS and he was nervous, He smiled as Jen walked into the kitchen, "Marty! It's 5 am!" she yawned. Sleepily reaching for the coffee machine. He sat at the counter, watching as Monty padded around the garden smelling the early morning grass.

Jen sat next to him and sipped her coffee, "Are you OK? No cravings or anything?" she asked a hint of worry in her voice.

Deeks smiled, "No, I'm good little sister. You got Uni today?"

She nodded, "I'm going over to Uncle Jeff's house today, and he said I could help him decorate his living room."

"Jennifer Brandel, you even offer to paint it that awful shade of mustard that you like and I'll shoot you myself." He said half joking.

Jen looked at her brother, "Mustard? Yuk, not my favorite color now. I like purple." She told him with a grin.

Deeks rolled his eyes, "Fine."

She took another sip, "Kensi up yet?" she asked.

Deeks shook his head, "she still has an hour, I thought I'd let her sleep." He said.

She stood up and got a refill, and grabbed a book off of the kitchen side, "I'm going back to bed. See you later and good luck." She kissed the top of his head and ambled back to bed.

* * *

He sat contemplating all that had happened over the last few months and what was going to happen.

Kensi walked in the kitchen just as he ran out and into the bathroom.

She got a coffee and waited for him. Five minutes later looking pale and shaky he walked back into the kitchen.

"Sick?" she asked. For a second she was worried, but she let it go; knowing that she needed to show him that trust.

Deeks nodded, "Nerves I think." He admitted. Taking a sip of water and handing her a box of doughnuts he'd brought last night.

She took a doughnut and smiled at him, "You'll be fine." She promised.

As they drove to work, Kensi thought about the new Deeks, he was less the joker, a bit more vulnerable, but there were glimpses of the 'old' Deeks who shone through day after day.

* * *

Deeks stood at the door to the mission.

Kensi looked behind her as Callen and Sam got out of the Challenger, she had noticed them when they pulled up.

"Ok Deeks." Sam said, "Been waiting for you." He said.

A brief look of panic crossed his face at Sam's words. "You….you have?" Deeks stammered out.

Callen smiled, "Yep, figured that if we were going to start back as a team, you should walk in there with the team behind your back."

Deeks smiled as Kensi and Sam opened the doors and Callen and Deeks stepped through.

Hetty turned to look at them.

"Hi honey I'm home." Deeks quipped as Callen and Sam turned to close the doors.

"So I see Mr. Deeks, Welcome back." Hetty replied as they closed with a loud bang.

 


End file.
